Posted by Pandabear on April 24, 2004, at 13:53:20
In reply to (((pandabear))))) » Pandabear, posted by karen_kay on April 24, 2004, at 13:26:37
Thank you for thinking positive thoughts for me...I am the worlds worst when it comes to thinking positively. I am beside myself this weekend. I talked to my therapist on Friday right before she left her office for the day and she told me that my psychiatrist is going to talk to me on tuesday at my appt with her. I asked her if she was going to be putting me on any medication and she said that i would have to talk to her but that she is being very understanding. My therapist also said that I am at a different place in my life and that I would probably be ok with out meds but..i quickly said differently. Yes, I am at a different place in my life (thank goodness) but, now im dealing with all new issues and whereas I understand that Im always going to be dealing with SOMETHING... I told her if she asked me to go to the doctor tomorrow there would be NO WAY I could. I just feel like nothing is going to be ok because it usually isnt ok for me. I had a melt down on thursday night and started crying saying that I didnt want anyone to touch me or hurt me and that I just wanted to be left alone...I told my therapist this and she didnt say much except that she is going to try and get me in to see her this next week. Im so scared right now. I feel as if now that this discussion is going on that I am not in control of my life anymore. My doctors are taking over of my life and making decisions for me...(this is how I feel) and I feel like im losing control. It is completely scaring me. I just want to wake up and be fine.
I know to some people i might sound like a complete baby but I am truly messed up right now about all of this. My dad is a doctor and they say that doctors children make the worst patients..I think its because we know too much about how things are done...My therapist asked me if my parents knew that I had not been to see a doc in a while and I said I believed that they did..when they said that they hoped I was taking care of my self not only mentally but physically as well...I was like.."yeah im taking care of myself ...I go to a doctor..(meaning my therapists) But my therapist reminded me saying that yes they are doctors but, they dont perform physical exams on people or draw blood or anything of that nature..thank god for that because if that were the case..I wouldnt be there talking to her either...:)I just dont know what to do with myself but when I was finishing my conversation with my therapist on friday she asked me if I could put all of this on a shelf for the weekend and not worry with it. I told her I would and she said that she would try and get me in to see her sometime this next week..so let's hope so...Until then though, I am going to try and relax...I have been cleaning my townhouse ALL DAY today...I think it is just one way I can focus on something that I am in charge of and no one can tell me how to do it...does that make sense...I feel like im in control of something when really Im losing all control.
Thanks for your support...I really appreciate it.
Pandabear <><
poster:Pandabear
thread:338987
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/health/20040303/msgs/339555.html