Posted by Rach on April 14, 2004, at 21:56:29
In reply to Re: Binge eating - Why is this happening? » Wildflower, posted by Fallen4MyT on April 14, 2004, at 17:43:48
***warning*** - this might be a trigger for some people. I talk about binging & food in detail.
I do it too. I've felt sick constantly for the past week or so. I've been bingeing on and off for years. It used to be mainly at night, too, although right now I'm bingeing pretty much any time I am awake.If I could throw up, I would. But I don't have the ability to make myself. I'm at a point right now when I waver between good meals and not bothering. I feel like I shouldn't bother right now because I eat crap anyway, so at least not eating proper meals would reduce the sheer volume of food I consume.
My stomach hurts so much right now, and all I can think about is when I'm going to get my next fix. As I look around the room right now, I see an empty packet of bullets 200g, easter eggs 110g, family block of chocolate, those mega sized packs of m&ms, 180g pack of jelly beans - they're all empty, and this isn't even the room I do most of my bingeing in.
I do it because I'm upset, bored, angry, happy, sad, confused, bored, bored, bored... I know I feel so much better when I don't (I had a super week about 2 weeks ago, didn't binge once, ate so healthy, I felt so good and happy, lost 3kg in one week because I was eating "normally").
I'm constantly having arguments with myself about food, constantly thinking about it, constantly bribing and promising and going against it.
Sorry, I've made this more about me and my problems. I guess I'm saying, you're not alone, I know what you're saying and where you're coming from, and if you feel in a place to try to change things, I'll be here to listen and help and support. As to the reason why - I don't know. I sometimes feel like putting fat on my body is a comfort, it's a way of shielding who I truly am from people, of hiding, of not being attractive to people who will hurt me. If people can't get close physically, or if they can't see the true me, then they can't hurt me.
I'm not fat - I'm an average weight. It's just when I'm at a fit, slender, sleek weight, I feel more vulnerable.
And then there's boredom.
poster:Rach
thread:336352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/health/20040303/msgs/336487.html