Posted by temmie on August 27, 2003, at 17:54:15
I am feeling better these days .... Not sure what happened, other than to say -- all your prayers must surely have done the trick! Re. Paul ... we continue to talk, and I'm at peace with letting things rest as they are. I've told him I love his soul/hate his disease (not in those terms), but also said that there's no future for us -- at all -- until he's clean and sober ... And so far as that is concerned, until (at least) another year or so down the road. I'm not moving. I've got my stuff to take care of. He's got his.
Other than that? I'm at peace. I've met a couple of men through personal ads, and heard from a few more, as well. Nothing has clicked (although I've certainly learned a lot about what I'm NOT looking for). Truth is, I'm not looking for anything at all -- romance, companionship -- whatever! I'm just happy to be feeling more (forgive the redundancy) at-peace, and believe me -- it's going to take every ounce of available energy and focus to do a good job as both a teacher and a grad student this fall.
Finances continue to be lousy. My debt far exceeds my annual income (ouch!), but my graduate advisor has said there may be a fulltime opening for me (somewhere, I haven't heard where) as an ESL teacher -- and that sounds promising to me!
Jared is off to school in California, currently on an orientation adventure in the High Sierras. Did I mention finding a water bottle of vodka in his backpack? THAT was a bit of a low. I've let it go, though, as best as I'm able. He's a smart kid, has done well for himself, and will suffer through mistakes (and their consequences) on his own. Hopefully, I've assisted in -- well -- whatever it is that parents do in helping to provide a good framework for life's ups and downs.
I keep him in my prayers, of course, while trying to protect myself at the same time from the guilt trips his dad is laying on me for not being a better mother. Honestly! From nowhere man. Nowhere dad.
Yes, I could have taken the booze away, and poured it out. I just didn't feel that was my role.
Oh well.
That's about all.
My classroom is about ready to go. I'm meeting with parents and starting to look over curriculum. Good Heavens, I'm starting to bore myself here!
Just wanted to thank you all -- every last one of you -- for your prayers, suggestions, well-wishes, and other such unknown acts of love and kindness.
Embracing you all with Love and Light,
Temmie
poster:temmie
thread:254800
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20030530/msgs/254800.html