Posted by Poet on October 29, 2006, at 17:59:11
In reply to Struggling about being misunderstood, posted by Racer on October 28, 2006, at 17:23:42
Hi Racer,
I don't think it's a struggle about being misunderstood you're facing, but a struggle to be understood. Then again, I haven't had psychology since psych 101 in 1976 so what do I know? Strike that first sentence from the record if you wish.
I have told so few people about my bulimia that it is still Poet's Big Secret. My T knows, Dr. Clueless and expdoc know, a restricting anorexic friend knows and people here know.
My husband knows too, but thinks it was all done and over with long ago. So I get how hard it is for you that your husband doesn't have a clue what's going on inside of you.
I don't know what makes me bulimic either. I can't believe it's something I chose to be. I didn't decide one day to be depressed or have social anxiety and I don't accept that I decided one day that bingeing and purging was something I wanted to do.
I would not stay on a SSRI that caused weight gain. I lucked out that neither Paxil or Effexor XR did. I hope Zoloft does not cause any weight gain for you. I know how devistated I would be if something that's supposed to help me was helping my depression, but triggering the need to purge, like it would trigger your need to restrict.
I didn't tell my T about being bulimic until my sixth session. I'm not in therapy for it so my T never asks and I don't volunteer. The only time she was concerned about my weight was during a major depression where I lost 10 pounds. I was seeing expdoc then, too and he would always ask about my weight and if I was actively bulimic.
You're brave for going to group to talk about your ED. I will never do group therapy (PERIOD)
Even braver for trying to get the people in that mental illness discussion to understand bulimia. Your quest not to be misunderstood is not in vain.What you're experiencing is real. Struggling about being misunderstood and to be understood is real.
Dr. Cattleprod was wrong. I question whether he understood any mental illness, not just anorexia.
One last thing, about dining out. I am afraid someone will think that I'm bingeing even though they don't know I'm bulimic. Eating makes me self conscious. Eat lightly and take the rest home. Anybody who dares comment on your not eating, look them in the eye and say I ate a huge lunch. Or I've gone vegan didn't you know? I have a vegan sister so I know how vegans eat and I've used that line more than once. I know it's denying my problem and denying who I am, but as I said I keep secrets.
Poet
poster:Poet
thread:698537
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20060628/msgs/698810.html