Posted by cloudydaze on July 16, 2006, at 22:46:37
In reply to Re: How do I get motivated to recover? » cloudydaze, posted by ElaineM on June 30, 2006, at 22:37:34
Yes, i am glad now that my parents were there for me.
Right now i'm at the opposite end of the spectrum, struggling to lose lots of weight, because i am now clinically overweight, to the point it's affecting my health (high cholestrol being one problem). Sometimes I think Behavior modification worked too well? I guess my eating disorder has been reversed! I know that medications caused some of the weight gain - I can blame about 40 pounds on Depakote and zyprexa...but honestly i have no clue how i ended up overweight. Well technically i know it was from bad diet and lack of exercise, but being depressed helped it along.
But now i'm faced with the biggest struggle of all - losing weight without starving myself. It's new territory for me, and i know it would be really easy to slip back into my old habits...but i know i can't. Problem is, right now i'm not so sure i'm going to succeed. I don't know if its possible. I suppose i will find out.
> Cloudy, It was very good of your parents to step in in the early stages. (My parents were in denial, and angry with me for a long time - they've never been a support that way.) You only get deeper and deeper into the disorder the longer treatment is delayed. I get flashbacks of the "refeeding" rules when you mention that you had to gain weight even though you "weren't skeletal". So many women had problems with that. Usually they make sure everyone is at the minimum "low-end" of their weight range. It's maddening to see how closely they stick to rules like that, but that is where the power of behaviour modification is found I guess. The rules have to be stronger than the disease, and what-not. (You're probably sick of hearing that one, right) Though I have my criticisms of B.Mod., I can understand it theoretically now, at least.
>
> One of my biggest critiques was the not allowing a small amount of monitored muscle-building exercises. It's a tough line I guess cause exercise is a slippery slope, especially when it's a symptom. Three times I've had to gain 35lbs, and I strongly believe I would've done so much better upon discharge if I had even the smallest bit of confidence in my new, "healthier" body. They say all the weight re-distributes throughout the body with time, but to a scared, newly weight-restored person, expecting them to bravely wait it out, is often too much. Recovery doesn't even get a chance.
>
> I do take what you said, about there being a danger in missing the disorder, very seriously. I think it will always be something I fight. My perception of food and my body has been tinted permanently. It took a long time for me to get over the despair that I "ruined my logic", that you "can't go back in time". I've stopped mourning the presense of thoughts like that, and just try to fight them whenever they come up.
>
> What a blessing that you were able to have a child. I too think I would've probably relapsed again, if I hadn't become medically ill (ironically enough, with something completely unrelated to the anorexia).
>
> It's nice to hear that you've been able to fight the disorder.
>
> Take care, Elaine
poster:cloudydaze
thread:635912
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20060628/msgs/667633.html