Posted by shanpan on May 1, 2005, at 9:14:08 [reposted on May 5, 2005, at 23:27:59 | original URL]
In reply to Re: Selective mutism article » shanpan, posted by henrietta on May 1, 2005, at 8:06:07
Henrietta,
I think that much of what we need to do for these children involves allowing ourselves to trust our instincts.
As parents, caregivers, educators, and therapists, we need to give ourselves permission to do what is best for the child rather than to try to make them behave like other children.
Unless a person suffers from social anxiety themselves, it is difficult for them to truly understand the way these children feel, and how desperately terrified they are.
Adults can identify fears as rational and irrational, and usually can force themselves to act accordingly. For children, fear is fear, rational or not, and that's just the way it is.
I think that you will find that as you remove the pressure from this little girl she will begin to respond to you.
My daughter and I made a game of Animal Go Fish. At first we played in an empty classroom -- just the two of us -- to allow her to feel comfortable vocalizing. Instead of naming the animals, we made their sound. It was fun, and we laughed a lot. Then we invited in a friend that she was comfortable speaking with already and continued our game. While this was going on, the teacher aid would quietly enter the classroom. She did little things as far away from us as possible such as sweeping the floor or getting something from a cupboard. If Jaiden's anxiety rose and she changed her demeanor or her volume of vocalization, the aide immediately disappeared from the room.
Gradually, over the course of several months, the aide increased her proximity to our game. Eventually she was sitting at a table a few feet away working on something and pretending not to have any interest in our game. Finally, she was invited to join in the game. Again, we watched closely for any signs of distress, and she would excuse herself from the game when Jaiden seemed uncomfortable.
This particular aide was wonderful, and very willing to get down on the floor and play. Her animal sounds were all exaggerated and hilarious. Laughter is one great way to help to break down the barriers for SM kids.
When Jaiden had been using full voice vocalizations in front of the aide for several weeks, I made a point of not being able to go to the school one day. The game carried on, and Jaiden always had the choice of one of two other children to invite into the game so that she was never alone with the adults.
The game went smoothly that day, and from there my absence increased.
Jaiden was able to transfer her comfortable vocalization with the aide to the classroom and playground settings. She particularly like to use cat sounds, and after a while you could hear words mixed in with cat sounds.
At the end of the school year, she spoke with the aide. This was significant -- the first adult that she had spoken to outside of our family!
What was measurable was the decrease in Jaiden's anxiety level. It could be seen in her physical state, and her willingness to participate nonverbally in classroom activities. The speaking was a bonus.
We played the fish game (and others) over a period of five months before comfort and speech were established. Patience and baby steps.
Perhaps you could suggest to your school to measure the girl's anxiety rather than her ability to speak in the school setting.
When you remove the pressure from yourself that you are feeling to make the girl talk, you will also find yourself enjoying your time with her and making more progress.
Good luck.
poster:shanpan
thread:492261
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050226/msgs/494306.html