Posted by Dr. Bob on May 10, 2013, at 23:20:29
In reply to Re: feeling empowered » Dr. Bob, posted by Toph on May 10, 2013, at 12:22:35
> Although I don't think you meant it to be the main meaning of your post, I did feel misunderstood and somewhat threatened when you said, "be careful what you wish for..", rather than, " I hear what you wish for." I would like to feel respected and safe when I express reasonable wishes on this forum.
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> I would love to have heard something along the lines of, " I hear that it's very important to you to feel that everyone is treated equally where pbc's are concerned. However, there are other considerations which are at times more important to me as moderator, such as..."I didn't intend to threaten you. I did intend to alert or warn you that I thought (correctly, as it turned out) that you were heading toward a PBC yourself. You weren't in fact safe, because what you were expressing wasn't civil.
I could, however, have phrased that differently, for example: "I hear that it's very important to you to feel that everyone is treated equally where pbc's are concerned. That's important to me, too. And that means that if others get more pbc's, you may, too." Would you have preferred that?
> If respectfully acknowledging one another's differing views is important for the smooth running of Babble, it might make it more difficult if differing views are separated into different threads. It might offer even less opportunity for constructive dialogue.
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> TwinleafDialogue is great, but I've been thinking lately that if two sides are too far apart, there's more likely to be conflict than dialogue.
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> Being civil has never been a deliberate intention of my posts. I think I have learned, mostly from you, certain ways of speaking that are acceptible. I also think being honest and direct are important ways of communicating.
Honest and direct is good, but sometimes there can be too much of a good thing. If a message is honest and direct, but uncivil, it may be less likely to be heard and to be an effective communication.
> Another consideration is the effect of feeling invested in the group. I was wreckless recently, I think, in part because I am less connected as before. That does not excuse my rant.
That's a great point. And, the more members that are invested in a group, the more members that group will attract.
> I am curious if Lou has ever congratulated anyone on Babble for finding a medication that helped them manage their illness. That would be supportive, and likely to improve his standing with some posters. I know I have never recieved any kind of support of this sort from him regarding what I have repeatedly discussed as a clear benefit to me from taking lithium. Of course, he has no obligation to do anything considerate here.
Lou may express the fears of posters. Fear "wants" to make you feel afraid. Fear wants to make you feel powerless. Fear isn't going to congratulate you. Fear isn't going to be considerate.
In theory, Lou might be more supportive if he felt more supported. I don't know. Hoping for Lou to change, like hoping for me to change, can lead to frustration.
> > Let's make a deal. If I invest time and energy to moderate Babble, will you all invest time and energy to reassure other posters?
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> If you, Bob, are condidering moderating Babble again, does this mean that the hands laissez faire approach of the recent past was a failure, in your opnion?I think it would be neat if Babble could be self-sufficient. But I wonder if my not investing more time and energy, and being more connected, led posters to invest less time and energy, and to feel less connected.
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:1042981
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20130109/msgs/1043490.html