Posted by Dr. Bob on November 2, 2009, at 14:13:19
In reply to Re: another setting, posted by Dr. Bob on November 1, 2009, at 3:05:47
> PS: I haven't gotten to some posts yet, I'll reply to them later.
Sorry it's taken so long.
> Bullying is such a huge issue for me that I can't be in a place where bullying is tolerated, much less enabled. Dr. Bob knows that, or at least he did know it, perhaps he's forgotten. To have him constantly talking about us being afraid of having newcomers come to Babble as the reason we're upset is sooooo distressing to me. I don't know anyone who doesn't want people here. And altogether I think he's focusing on the wrong side of the issue. It's the use of our posts that distresses me, not that I'm afraid of hordes of people joining Babble because of Twitter or Facebook.
>
> It's a shame that Dr. Bob just doesn't listen, or if he listens, doesn't hear. He's reminding me a lot of my middle school teachers.
>
> DinahI didn't mean to imply that there was only one reason people were upset.
In this case, it was people clicking on the button to make the number go up that led you to feel bullied? I'm sorry, but I wasn't able to tell who did that (which may have been what your teachers said, too). There may be posters who try to start arguments and upset people. Here, as in middle school, it may be best just not to respond. And you have some control over those buttons now.
--
> We are oil and water, we do not mix.
>
> muffledWell, we certainly aren't living happily ever after. But maybe we could be oil and vinegar instead?
> This happens over and over and over again. And worse, it *just* happened and over the same topic. It is hard for me to accept that you would do this again about this topic when the whole opt out compromise was so recently reached. That is part of what made this so shocking and disappointing for me. I can only imagine what those who had opted out felt about it. You basically made that list useless when doing this, which indicated to me a lot about how you felt about posters.
>
> Right now there's this whole distressing dynamic going on. You have an idea. You see Babble as yours, and see no reason to consult with Babblers. You present the idea as a done deal. Babblers get upset and leave in droves. Babblers feel hurt and betrayed and angry. You may well feel resentful, because they are being obstructive to your purposes. Even after a compromise is reached, hurt lingers on each side. Like in a bad marriage. Or at least that's how it seems to me. I could be wrong.
>
> Until this dynamic changes, this would just be yet another time this scenario plays out.
>
> I'm weary of the whole cycle. While I think this is a reasonable compromise ... as long as your attitude towards Babblers remains the same, this will be just one in a long stream of these experiences.
>
> DinahI started out adding buttons that just linked to the Psycho-Babble Facebook page and @psycho_babel on Twitter. But then I saw these buttons and thought they'd be more effective. In retrospect, I switched buttons and moved ahead too quickly, and I apologize for that.
At the same time, Babblers got upset and left pretty quickly, too. Why do you say the opt-out list became useless? It helped others, just as it helped me, to know the preferences of posters. And what made you think it was a done deal? There isn't much here that isn't open to revision.
I'm also weary. There was (and still is) a lot of anxiety to address and a lot of information to provide. I've really appreciated the help of those of you who are already familiar with Facebook and Twitter.
I see the cycle of understanding and misunderstanding as to some extent inevitable in any partnership. It can be frustrating at times for all of us, and how much we can change each other is limited.
For me, the benefits outweigh the frustrations. I feel good seeing posters supporting and educating each other. I learn a lot about people and groups (and myself). I feel honored by your trust.
Posters can benefit from belonging to a community in which others help them and they help others. But they may feel frustrated, too. There are tradeoffs here. It's open, but that means it's less private. It's inclusive, but that means bullies can join (and rejoin after blocks). I try to keep it civil, but that means having rules, and I and they are both imperfect. I introduce innovations, but that means changes to adjust to and kinks to work out. It may not be a good fit for some of you. But if you're willing to accept the tradeoffs, I welcome the opportunity to continue to work with you here.
Can we remain patient with each other and try to work out our differences? If so, we can keep this a supportive and educational and vibrant community. I'm committed to doing my best to understand your needs and concerns and to explain mine. Anybody else?
Bob
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:922472
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090813/msgs/924106.html