Posted by Dr. Bob on August 9, 2009, at 13:34:28
In reply to Re: make change » Dr. Bob, posted by Kath on August 8, 2009, at 18:37:43
> How about:
>
> Privacy is important to me and I feel frustrated.
>
> Deneb> How about "I've often felt frustrated about privacy issues. Privacy is really important to me."
Those are both fine. Feeling frustrated is a statement about you more than me.
> It seems to me that if a person wanted to get the fact that they felt privacy didn't seem to be given as much priority as they wished it would here at PB - It seems to me that it might not be possible to say that in any way that would be acceptable.
But also fine would be:
"I feel privacy doesn't seem to be given as much priority as I wish it would here at PB."
or, more directly:
"I wish privacy were given more priority here at PB."
And of course Dinah's suggestion was excellent.
> The way that makes me feel reminds me of the earlier days in my marriage, when I'd try to talk with my husband about something & it just would NOT work out - I remember feeling really like a big metal door clanged down between us & I would think, "OK. Fine. I guess I just can't be heard about this. Oh well. I feel less close & I feel a sense of aloneness in this relationship, when I'd hoped to be able to share honestly about how I felt. Oh well. Whatever."
>
> Things don't feel like that now in my marriage, thank God. But I DO remember how it felt. And it didn't feel nice. I don't find it a nice feeling to not be able to be honest & open about how I feel.
>
> KathWhat's different in your marriage now, may I ask? It's nice to be able to be honest and open, but that doesn't always bring people closer.
--
> the stupid rules
Remember, the idea here is not to post anything that could lead others (including me) to feel accused or put down.
> sometimes the best way to support a person in this kind of position is NOT to try and get them to tow some line that you don't really believe in. Rather, it is an attempt to get the ... rules changed.
>
> alexandra_kAt this time, would you feel more supported if others encouraged you to apologize or rephrase or if they attempted to get that rule changed?
Bob
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:904398
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090707/msgs/911136.html