Posted by Dr. Bob on July 16, 2009, at 2:36:29
In reply to Re: Trust and perceived irritations, posted by Zeba on July 15, 2009, at 22:46:04
> > > > Change the things we can, accept the things we cannot change....and have the wisdom to know the difference...
> > >
> > > I want to say so much here, to help change, but I cannot make change here. I did try, many times.
> >
> > What things did you try to change those times?
>
> There's a certain predicability about you Bob, which in my addled mind is a good thing.
> In response to your question, to the best of my knowledge, I lobbied to some extent for:
> 1. shorter blocks
> 2. caps on length of blocks
> 3. warnings B4 EVERY block
> oh LOL, and
> 4. I did try and help you yourself understand some things...but failed there too.(hence the 'accepting things you cannot change'...)
> 5. a reduction in the complexity and number of rules
>
> muffledMaybe this is predictable, but since you've accepted that what you can change about me and the rules is limited, are there other things you can change?
--
> Sure it has to do with trust. I don't trust you. I would like to be removed from Babble, but you will not let people do that. What is that all about???
I wonder if that's about some posters being attached (not by choice, of course) to feelings of powerlessness. For example, in this case, seeing themselves as powerless to leave when in fact they're free to go.
> I guess since I acknowledged that yes it is about trust here for me and said it has to do with the fact I don't trust you,Dr. Bob, are you now going to block me for this as you may feel put down?
Not at all, that was an I-statement, which I try to encourage.
> FYI. I felt put down by your response to my post
>
> ZebaSorry, that wasn't my intent. What was it I said?
--
> > IMO, telling someone they demonstrate little understanding could lead them to feel accused or put down.
>
> This is an opinion.
>
> But in the end it all subjective isn't it?Yes, it's my opinion, and in the end a judgment call.
> How do you figure she had more than a day and we had time to help her.
Her post:
July 8, 2009, at 16:30:39
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090707/msgs/905631.htmlMy post:
July 9, 2009, at 17:59:55
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090707/msgs/905861.htmlThat's 1 hour, 29 minutes, and 16 seconds more than a day.
> And why would we tell her she was being uncivil when we did not think she was?
>
> I know I feel uncomfortable telling someone I think they need to rephrase or you might block them. I don't really think that is the type of support I initially came here for.
>
> It doesn't sit well with me. I don't want to make incorrect judgments and this is what I feel you are asking us to do. It isn't my place.
>
> I want to support not reprimand.
>
> rskI agree, telling her she was being uncivil could've felt more like a reprimand than support. But what about:
> > Twinleaf, I'm worried that Dr. Bob isn't going to like what you just posted. I care about you, and you're important to this community. Maybe being blocked doesn't bother you, but would you consider apologizing for my sake? I would miss you if he blocked you again.
Or imagine it the other way around. If I was about to block you, would you want other posters to help you avoid that? If so, what could they say that might be effective?
> If you thought she was being uncivil to you, you are now not applying a double standard, shouldn't you have encouraged her to rephrase.
I'm not asking the second party to encourage rephrasing, that's above and beyond the call of duty. It's also not my role to provide support, that's the role of other posters.
Bob
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:904398
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090707/msgs/907002.html