Posted by Dinah on December 22, 2008, at 8:29:16
In reply to Re: Praise for the civil phrase » lucie lu, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 22:58:33
I'm not sure I was clear in how I conveyed this. Tone is difficult in this medium. I was hmmm... not quite laughing at myself since that sounds harsher than my intent, but something along those lines.
My husband teases me that I sound like I swallowed the Montessori parents' manual. And even I have to laugh at our "fights" sometimes.
It wasn't to say how wonderful I am. I have my own share of less than wonderful qualities. Including that I can sound self righteous at times. Even though the reality is that I'm anything but. With scrupulosity, a subset of OCD, the emphasis is usually on how far I've fallen short of the mark, not how well I've hit it.
But I *do* find value in applying the civility guidelines in my own life. At the very least, in relationships where preserving the relationship is a primary goal, with marriage as the most obvious example, keeping things civil minimizes the damage to the long term relationship from short term fights. At best, in speaking in "I" phrases and avoiding statements about the other, more I statements may be forthcoming, defensiveness is lower, and rapprochement and genuine reconciliation is far more likely.
JMHO
Although, to be scrupulous, my opinion is not always very humble.
poster:Dinah
thread:869731
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20081003/msgs/870239.html