Posted by lucie lu on December 19, 2008, at 20:14:42
Thought I'd share with you something that happened this week - about how what I've learned on Babble helped me in a very concrete way.
Someone in my life lost their temper about something this week and jumped up, started shouting at me, gesticulating, really acting crazy and scary and generally got in my face big-time. Because of what I've learned here, instead of responding in kind and jumping into the fray myself (as I might have done not long ago), I was able to say very calmly that I do not want to be talked to in that way and I am willing to talk over any issues but only later, once we've both calmed down and can be civil. I maintained that even when this person was trying to drag me into a fight. Not only did this help me reinforce some necessary boundaries, but I believe also helped ultimately lead to resolution much more effectively than if we'd done the no-holds-barred routine. And we had less to apologize for afterwards.
So these civility guidelines really do teach us something. I've never been too good at doing this (ummm, guess I can be short-tempered too), but it really works. And after doing it on Babble for a while, it felt pretty natural.
Cool.
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:869731
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20081003/msgs/869731.html