Posted by confuzyq on August 20, 2007, at 11:45:03
In reply to Re: If It Were Only That Easy, posted by Fivefires on August 20, 2007, at 10:02:40
Thank you for being gracious 5f! Honestly, I was worried the last couple of days that I only made things worse for you. I was so glad to see your response. And it also occurred to me that I never said the one thing that would have made it clearest of all why I posted originally, which was just that when I saw the suggestion that Oz ask for forgiveness I simply thought maybe you hadn't read back far enough to see the origins of things. But I don't mean to question that now or to backtrack, I just hope you feel better already and that babble returns to feeling just as you like it to soon! (Yup I did pick an appropriate name for myself lol.)
Thanks and take care,
CQ
> > > I have ?s for Admin I'll pose at another time.
> > >
> > > I may have used some of your words and thoughts confuzyq, but I'm not stating 'you said this or you believe this'. (See how defensive I already have become?)
> >
> > === Do you mean I did?
>
> No no no; nope. Since an issue of 'quoting another person' was brought up, ... I was pointing out I'd already become more guarded about not doing so.
>
> This is what I was trying to point out.
>
> You just happened to be the person I was responding to when 'I felt this' fear. So, not directed at you or anyone. I probably should have stated it this was instead:
>
> I may have used some of confuzyq's words or thoughts, but I'm not stating 'she said this or she believes this'. (See again, fear of quoting.)
>
> >
> I'm not sure what you mean by the above. If so can you help me see it, I reread my posts but really can't. Well I saw two "you saids" but they were literally things you said, not re-interpretations of them. And I saw no "you believes." I haven't referred to any feeling that you didn't directly state the existence of yourself beforehand (hurt, upset, fear of trusting now).
> >
>
> Sorry to confuse. Your name is making me laugh about this! Sorry :)
>
> > But regardless, in ongoing discussions such as the ones on this thread, where the same aspects are being referred to multiple times, it would be impossible never to say "you said..?" To have a discussion is to focus on and cite the opinions expressed by others as well as our own... I can only understand to the extent that if it was being claimed that something was said that wasn't, or the essence of it had clearly been altered, that would of course be a problem.
> >
>
> Well by bringing in the prior post you're following up, you can feel safe about not quoting another person.
>
> This was one thing I was going to ask Admin.
>
> How strictly is 'not quoting another' adhered to and does it just apply to things outside babble, or w h a t???????
>
> I understand your interpretation of discussions (See! I'm doing it again! I could have just said I agree with your interpretation of discussions, but instead I was trying to protect myself by saying 'I understand'.)
>
> Anyway, I agree, when you exchange ideas, what another has said is easily brought up.
>
> So, my ? to Admin. would have been: This is not considered 'quoting' is it?
>
> And, another thought was the following:
>
> Can we just pull in, say, one sentence from a prior post, into our post, and respond?
>
> I believe I've done this in the past and it is done here now.
>
> Anyway, this is still on Admin and your name isn't checked above confuzyq, so I'm not posing these questions to you. For that matter, no one need do so right now. Not for me anyway. I'd like to see this thread end.
>
> I'm not communicating very well. Are you 'and everyone' getting that, too? Yeah. Sorry.
>
> > Please consider that the issue with "you said," "you believe" and the like may not actually be something that stems from the other party? On this thread you've also objected to "being told what (you) are entitled to" and "lectured," where I didn't think those things were apparent in the person's post.>
> >
>
> I was feeling this way, yes, and I apologized to the person who graciously gave me the opportunity to do so.
>
> >Sincerely, please just consider in itself that being told those kinds of things can hurt and feel accusatory too?
> >
>
> I will. I reacted and hurt someone. I should have said nothing or said I wasn't feeling well instead.
>
> I'm not pulling the 'this is my excuse chain' here, truly. I honestly was feeling quite uncomfortable throughout a lot of this.
>
> > I could understand if maybe it's just that, even if stated accurately, you'd prefer to only have your words and feelings cited at certain times in certain ways, especially during a period of stress. Honestly I could understand that. But it's what comes with posting on a public message board, everyone will assume they're welcome to reply to anything, and wouldn't know which of the thoughts, feelings and opinions you express yourself that you are not open to having mentioned to you.
> >
>
> Same as above.
>
> > On these kinds of threads, we surely all wish we could speak our pieces yet know that we'll never have to hear and be somehow annoyed by others' piece-speaking ourselves, but unfortunately none of us can be that lucky. You've been able to vent many opinions on the subject of the thread and various ppl's participation in it and it was probably a relief to get those things out. But another thing about choosing to become involved in these kinds is that others will and deserve to do same...
> >
> > Make sense? I think looking for possible actual causes or contributing factors in the things that bother us is the most helpful towards actually changing the things we want to, halting patterns, and being happier. After all that's a big part of why ppl go to therapists.
> >
>
> In my life, I was hurt emotionally and physically in a relationship in which I'd put all my trust.
>
> Now, I guard against 'controlling' out an injured ability to trust. There are people here whom I think know this about me. And, had I recognized the poster's name, maybe I'd have responded more appropriately. But, this shouldn't be an excuse for reacting inappropriately. There be the lesson, right?
>
> Tks. Some good points.
>
> Think I ran over your name o_o though.
>
> 5f
poster:confuzyq
thread:775653
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20070817/msgs/777347.html