Posted by confuzyq on August 18, 2007, at 21:34:30
In reply to If It Were Only That Easy, posted by Fivefires on August 18, 2007, at 14:34:34
> I have ?s for Admin I'll pose at another time.
>
> I may have used some of your words and thoughts confuzyq, but I'm not stating 'you said this or you believe this'. (See how defensive I already have become?)=== Do you mean I did? I'm not sure what you mean by the above. If so can you help me see it, I reread my posts but really can't. Well I saw two "you saids" but they were literally things you said, not re-interpretations of them. And I saw no "you believes." I haven't referred to any feeling that you didn't directly state the existence of yourself beforehand (hurt, upset, fear of trusting now).
But regardless, in ongoing discussions such as the ones on this thread, where the same aspects are being referred to multiple times, it would be impossible never to say "you said..?" To have a discussion is to focus on and cite the opinions expressed by others as well as our own... I can only understand to the extent that if it was being claimed that something was said that wasn't, or the essence of it had clearly been altered, that would of course be a problem.
Please consider that the issue with "you said," "you believe" and the like may not actually be something that stems from the other party? On this thread you've also objected to "being told what (you) are entitled to" and "lectured," where I didn't think those things were apparent in the person's post. Sincerely, please just consider in itself that being told those kinds of things can hurt and feel accusatory too?
I could understand if maybe it's just that, even if stated accurately, you'd prefer to only have your words and feelings cited at certain times in certain ways, especially during a period of stress. Honestly I could understand that. But it's what comes with posting on a public message board, everyone will assume they're welcome to reply to anything, and wouldn't know which of the thoughts, feelings and opinions you express yourself that you are not open to having mentioned to you.
On these kinds of threads, we surely all wish we could speak our pieces yet know that we'll never have to hear and be somehow annoyed by others' piece-speaking ourselves, but unfortunately none of us can be that lucky. You've been able to vent many opinions on the subject of the thread and various ppl's participation in it and it was probably a relief to get those things out. But another thing about choosing to become involved in these kinds is that others will and deserve to do same...
Make sense? I think looking for possible actual causes or contributing factors in the things that bother us is the most helpful towards actually changing the things we want to, halting patterns, and being happier. After all that's a big part of why ppl go to therapists.
poster:confuzyq
thread:775653
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20070817/msgs/777015.html