Posted by muffled on December 23, 2006, at 23:41:20
In reply to Re: drop in center, posted by Dr. Bob on December 23, 2006, at 15:59:39
> Thanks for describing an alternative way of handling things. Certainly there are similarities between these two settings...
>
> How do you decide whether to block for a day or a week? The limit is a week? So people can do something pretty bad every week if they want? Do it, be blocked, come back and do it again, be blocked again, etc.?**Yes, we do have people that do get in trouble more than others, but generally they are blocked cuz in the heat of their emotional moment (or their impairment by drugs or alcohol), they 'misbehave'. The fascinating thing is THEY DON'T keep repeating the behaviors. Hmmmm, these people, some of them anyway, are pretty messed, yet they CAN toe the line pretty much, cuz they want to be able to come there. There HAVE been instances of bans for long times, but that is for really 'out there' behavior. Yelling and fights are not unusual (they are also NOT the norm), but they are just asked to leave, or mebbe removed from the premises, and told not come back for the day. By next day they have generally 'cooled off' and are ready to behave.
See we EXPECT there will be a certain amount of disruption from time to time. We do not expect things to always be safe, That would be completely unrealistic given the people we are dealing with. Frequently, probably daily, or multi times a day, we catch 'stuff' early and are able to say, 'if you can't chill out, you gonna out for the rest of the day'(like a pbc), and you know what, it works ALOT of the time.....
You see, we treat our people like the human beings, with some sense of reason, that they are. Most of them are not stupid, if they were stupid they'd proly not be there, they'd be long gone.
>
> > The long, arbitrary blocks here on babble I think do not foster a sense of unconditional acceptance.
>
> Well, it may not be politically correct, but acceptance here isn't unconditional. If acceptance = being able to post.Yes, I agree with you. Acceptance is VERY conditional here, and that is what makes me so sad at times. You Bob, have this lovely idea of this site where people can be a community, where they can talk and learn. And I have noticed, when some 'events' have been allowed to run their course(perhaps cuz Bob was away?), that they turn out as WONDERFUL examples of how beautiful and accepting people here can be. We are NOT brainless Bob, we don't need an overprotective Daddy to be intervening everytime there is some slight problem. I have kids, they fight, I DON'T go intervening everytime, I let them sort it out on their own, and you know what? Many times they do. And they LEARN. And yes, sometimes I DO have to intervene, but not in such a way as to make them feel they bad kids. But that there is a problem here, that most likely can be solved, if we calm down and think on it.Sometimes we have to agree to disagree.
Mebbe if a person is OBVIOUSLY repeatedly causing trouble on a particular thread they could be asked not to post to that particular thread, or they will be given a (ONE week block).
>
> > There is not enough chance for apologies and discussions about the blocks.
>
> There may not be at the time, but there is later. Like at your center?**At the center it is usu the next day, or even later the same day, and oftentimes its a matter of not being able to speak to them cuz they too impaired and it would be a waste of time. Not weeks and weeks later, after that much time, its all old history, and all that is remmebered is the strong emots(eg. anger).
>
> > i don't get the feeling that the owner of the site is to be convinced to beleive any but his own views.
>
> And the people at your center feel it's easy to change the policies there?**I don't think there's alot of fuss about the policies. I think they are considered fair enough. Its always patently clear as to why a person has been given the boot.....
And the thing I have found, is that just taking the time to talk to people, and honestly point out the whys of it all, makes a huge difference.
I can see as there's a difficulty on internet as you can't see how a body is responding to what you are saying and so gown down the road that 'fits' that person...although I think there's lots of 'regulars' that you could proly have some idea as how to best approach things...So we don't just cut them off. We leave a door open to them. And they can send someone in to the center and someone will come out to talk to them if they calmed down. Don't mean they gonna get in that day, but at least they can feel they HAVE BEEN FAIRLY and HONESTLY HEARD.
This is very long.
Blame the seroquel...
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:715306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20061202/msgs/716046.html