Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 13, 2006, at 7:29:33
In reply to Re: one of the elephants?, posted by Dr. Bob on December 13, 2006, at 3:31:20
> > I am in grief.
> >
> > I am very sad.
> >
> > I am feeling anxious
>
> > I was trying to fix babble, because babble hurt me.
>
> Llurpsie, thanks for reflecting on that. Are other feelings part of grief, too?
>
> BobYes- please read below
What follows has been sorted into expressions of grief || reactions to grief.
1) Expressions of grief.I am in grief.
I am very sad.
I am feeling anxious, well to the extent that my current medication allows it.
2. Expressions of grief that are projected onto the Babble project as an entity.
I wish Babble weren't the source of that pain, but I cannot deny it is. [this is an expression of grief that babble cannot make me feel better]
3. Mixed bag- some new sources of grief, and reactions to it.
I was trying to fix babble, because babble hurt me. [this was an expression of trying to fix babble, because I felt like babble was broken, because I didn't feel supported in my time of grief]
And I thought I'd start simple. [because I'm pragmatic, and overwrought]
crushed. so i give up. no fixing. no tinkering. No more commentary. [an expression of grief, both over pseudyname's suicide, and over my lost sense of babble as a tool for support rather than a tool of hurt]
What's the use? I don't get blocked. I'm rarely in danger of incivility. Why should I bother? babble's safe for me, or unsafe or whatever. who cares? [expression of grief over my ability to make a difference]
Maybe, Honore, the reason why things seem to spiral out of control here is because this board is not designed to provide support. It sure would be nice if we could have a forum to provide support to our Administrators. I would have a lot to say. Or a way of feeling like we were actually engaging in a collaboration with our Administrators. That is not the case. Good collaborators do not ignore well-intentioned suggestions. Good collaborators try to explain why something will work and why something won't work. Instead, I often feel like a sniveling peon, finding my ideas dismissed or ignored as easily as one would wipe crumbs from a table. [low self-esteem from generalized "hurting" projected on to psychobabble administration. Feeling of hopelessness, perhaps an over-generalized reaction to grief]
4. Unrelated to grief
I'm abandoning my misconception of Dr. Bob's project being a collaborative enterprise between "contributors" and "administrators". [correction of a cognitive distortion. I thought PBabble was one thing, I was mistaken. Now I have to figure out what PBabble is about (again).]
5. Reactions to grief, and to my uncertainty of what PBabble means to me.
Sorry, my role here is to fill up vanilla pages with evidence of my transforming insanity. [pragmatic, realistic]
My role here is to BABBLE. [accurate]
To talk rapidly or continuously in a foolish, excited, or incomprehensible way
To utter something rapidly and incoherently
To reveal something secret or confidential by talking impulsively or carelessly
To make the continuous murmuring sound of water flowing over stones.
[from Oxford American Dictionaries] [citing a reference makes me feel less like I'm making up all this stuff in my head, which occurs to me far more often than I admit]
for (y)our edification, Dr. Bob
best,
-Llurpsie
poster:LlurpsieBlossom
thread:711953
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20061202/msgs/713179.html