Posted by Dinah on November 27, 2006, at 11:17:18
In reply to Re: How to Support and Help, posted by Poet on November 27, 2006, at 10:51:30
Maybe the point is to keep the big picture in mind. Many people might appreciate what you have to say, and other people just might not be ready to change. No change occurs before its time.
And maybe the real key to "neutrality" is not to invest yourself too deeply in someone else's change or recovery.
It would be a shame for people to leave Babble because they feel unheard, when they really are heard. They are heard and appreciated by any number of people. And even when someone chooses not to take advice, that doesn't mean that the advice isn't heard and appreciated - even if it might feel that way.
This may be one of those CBT moments (gack!). The only person one can truly change is oneself. People can offer the most brilliant advice possible, and it might be accepted as brilliant or it might be dismissed. The advice is the same quality. All you can do is try your best and accept philosophically the result. Instead of being angry, muse to yourself that it just wasn't the time. Recognize that as much as you want to help other people's pain, you can't really. This is an internet forum. There's only so much anyone can do.
So be happy when you reach someone or receive help from someone. And try not to be angry when what you offered isn't accepted. It's still valuable to offer it. To try to help someone is still valuable.
But in a post Mark H wrote a while back, and I can't find at the moment, it's important to realize this isn't a therapy group, and it might not be the best place for "tough love" or an intervention. There's no room for nuances or nonverbal support. It's not a great forum for that. I'm paraphrasing Mark H. a lot, but I thought it was a valuable concept.
And if you're feeling frustrated, it might be best to step away from the computer for a bit and go do something you love to do and makes you happy.
Just my own advice, which may of course be totally ignored. ;)
poster:Dinah
thread:707717
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20061018/msgs/707784.html