Posted by Deneb on October 7, 2006, at 16:09:47
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » Deneb, posted by Racer on October 7, 2006, at 13:22:33
> Are you angry that someone punished you? Or are you "angry," in more a sense of disappointed, at yourself for the behavior that led to the block? I guess what I'm asking is whether you know what you did that led to the block, why it was a problem? Does that make sense?
I'm not angry at myself for my behaviour. I think I'm angry I got punished.
Let me try to process my blocks some more, maybe it will bring me some acceptance.
First Block:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050413/msgs/484025.htmlI posted what I thought was a dangerous med (even though I now realize it's probably not dangerous). I guess Dr. Bob doesn't take that into consideration, i.e. the dangerousness of the particular med. I knew I wasn't suppose to post it because I tried to get around that by posting it in a coded form. I guess I felt like I didn't deserve that block because the med wasn't dangerous in overdose (to the best of my knowledge, which isn't all that vast). Aren't all SSRIs safe in overdose?
Second Block:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050828/msgs/547929.htmlI treated death and injury lightly, but I wasn't joking about death and injury. This was before the rule of not treating death and injury lightly. I also thought I could get away with posting what I did because I only posted blanks, but since Dr. Bob is human and not a machine, he figured it out and decided it wasn't OK. Since I used blanks, I knew what I was writing was not OK.
Third Block:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051015/msgs/567834.htmlOK, here I clearly see that I was uncivil. No excuses here. I was blaming others for pushing me to suicide. I was just upset in general and Dr. Bob blocking me made me feel even worse. I know I earned the block, but it just felt like salt was being poured into my wounds.
Fourth Block:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060111/msgs/601660.htmlOK, this block I really didn't understand. If someone could explain it to me it would be appreciated. I didn't think I was treating death lightly. I was being a little obnoxious before when I was asking about the new "treating death or injury lightly rule", but I really didn't know I did anything wrong when I posted what I did. I guess I posted about wanting to jump off the CN tower like it was no big deal, is that was was wrong with my post?
> BUT I knew what I had done, I knew I borke the rules -- I knew before posting that I was at the very least flirting with a block before posting my offending post. So, I sat out my block knowing that I'd earned it, in a big way, and I felt no anger towards Bob for blocking me.
It seems like whether or not I earned my blocks, I still get upset by them. I think maybe I'm upset by blocks because being blocked means I'm a bad person? But now Bob writes that he doesn't think we are bad people. (((((Bob))))) I don't know all the reasons why I get so upset with my blocks.
> I didn't feel hurt by his action in blocking me. I didn't feel excluded by it, because I knew it was temporary.
I think I would be upset by a block even if it were an hour long. I don't know why.
>It really wasn't painful, in any larger sense.
I'm glad it wasn't painful for you.
> Just so that people know that there are other reactions to being blocked. I don't think I'm the only one who reacts this way to being blocked, either. Yes, being blocked can be painful for people. It can also be painLESS for some otherwise normally socialized people...
I wish I were a normally socialized person. :-(
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:691844
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060918/msgs/692793.html