Posted by alexandra_k on June 11, 2005, at 18:07:14
In reply to That is a *really* interesting question... » Dr. Bob, posted by Racer on June 11, 2005, at 12:37:25
> > > when I am shown that I have upset another person, either accidentally, intentionally, or even justifiably, I am or I strive to be remorseful, and I strive to make whatever changes are necessary to avoid such harmful actions from reocurring.
> > Even if you think it's justifiable?
> If you find that someone was hurt by your words or actions, but you still feel that your behavior was justified, what does striving to avoid such things look like?
In my case I think it looks like
Sorry
Sorry
Sorry
Without really changing my behaviour.
> Somewhere, a philosopher has written on this subject, no doubt. I haven't come across it. (Philosophy? My first introductions were Wittgenstein and Plato -- NOT incentives to look farther...)Heh heh. If anyone knows of someone who has written on it I would be interested too.
I think...
(Ok, so this is Plato)
Socrates used to go around upsetting people. He didn't intentionally mean to upset them, but that is a consequence of what he did to be sure. He was convicted of 'corrupting the young' and some other trumphed up charges.What is interesting is that the main problem that other people had with them is that they felt foolish in talking to him. He would ask them what they thought knowledge etc was and by a series of questions they were led to circularity or contradiction and their ignorance was exposed. He did this in order to show them that they didn't know the answer to his question. The notion was that then they could have joined him in trying to find out. But by thinking they knew when they didn't they weren't even in a position to find out.
He could have got off the charges if he had agreed to stop questioning people. He drank the hemlock instead. Thus becoming something of a tragic hero.
>too much effort into not hurting anyone else's feelings, and thus didn't express my own, and that the net result was that I was the only one hurt.Yup. I think a fair few of us have thought our feelings / thoughts / opinions bad or dirty or wrong or shameful or whatever and not expressed them.
>Still, I can see ways to be authentic, and yet try to avoid hurting someone else.
Yeah. There has to be a middle ground. But I don't know... Depends what is going on for you I guess. I seem to be upsetting people in persisting in talking about small boards. I've even done the 'sorry sorry sorry' thing. But, at the end of the day... I'm not going to hide stuff so that others feel better. I've done that too much in the past. The greatest value I find in Babble is in being able to express myself and feel less dirty / shameful / embarrased as a result. I'm not going to have that ruined for me. But... Tact and diplomacy is important too... And there must be a middle way.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:510150
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050530/msgs/511141.html