Posted by Racer on June 11, 2005, at 12:37:25
In reply to Re: whatever changes are necessary, posted by Dr. Bob on June 11, 2005, at 11:34:41
> > Some people would rather be despised than ignored.
>
> Wouldn't it be nice if there were other alternatives?
>
> > when I am shown that I have upset another person, either accidentally, intentionally, or even justifiably, I am or I strive to be remorseful, and I strive to make whatever changes are necessary to avoid such harmful actions from reocurring.
>
> Even if you think it's justifiable?
>
> BobThis has nothing to do with the topic under discussion in this thread, but doesn't that strike you as an interesting question? If you find that someone was hurt by your words or actions, but you still feel that your behavior was justified, what does striving to avoid such things look like?
Somewhere, a philosopher has written on this subject, no doubt. I haven't come across it. (Philosophy? My first introductions were Wittgenstein and Plato -- NOT incentives to look farther...)
I do know that one of my former Ts, back in the eighties, tried to work on a related subject with me: she thought that I put too much effort into not hurting anyone else's feelings, and thus didn't express my own, and that the net result was that I was the only one hurt. Still, I can see ways to be authentic, and yet try to avoid hurting someone else. Here at home, for one example, I never say anyone *is* bad -- except for the one cat who truly *is* a Freakazoid -- but I will say that someone is *behaving* badly. Since several members of my family are known for saying things like, "You're an @$$hole" -- even to family members, whom they "love" -- and I know how much that hurts, I consider it part of my own code of ethical conduct never to say something that I think would hurt me the way that sort of comment did. And does, of course, because age does not necessarily bring wisdom...
So, Dr Bob, and maybe this should have a new thread since it's off topic, what do you think? Is it possible to strive to avoid hurting someone, even though you think that what you've done that caused the hurt in the first place was justified? I think so, but I am curious about other people's take on it.
Also, I am assuming that I've read that question accurately. I read: if you feel justified, but someone got hurt, is there an alternative that you can strive toward to avoid the pain caused to another -- even though you were justified? If that's not what you meant, think of Gilda Radner as Emily Litella saying, "Oh. That's different. Never mind!"
poster:Racer
thread:510150
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050530/msgs/511027.html