Posted by Phil on February 11, 2004, at 17:38:21
In reply to Re: What percentage of male vs. female posters? » Phil, posted by Dinah on February 11, 2004, at 13:29:10
Actually, I just threw out some random thoughts and concerns.
I like women very much and have probably posted to more women than men.
I know more than a few people here, men and women, feel they have been hurt badly by DR Bob's actions.
My first inclination when I heard this was, really? So, I listened to one special friend from here and began to see the light. Whether I feel that policies here have harmed people isn't the point. If someone 'feels they have been mistreated' by loooong blocks or being banned while others, that said worse but Dr Bob missed, and therefore are off the hook get off scott free. It's one thing to say he's too busy but when a depressed person feels hurt, they are hurt. And being too busy can be an addiction to kill pain just like drinking alcohol. They could be workaholics who are unable to delegate or trust anyone else's judgement. Therefore, we have fairness issues come up and people stand behind DrB because of what a nice generous thing he's done. Well, he has done a good thing to a point and I, for one appreciate it. I voluntarily sent money here to show my appreciation and I am as poor as many people here are.
Unless Dr Bob is willing to share the numbers on male/female ratios, I'm basically guessing when I say anything. That's irresponsible. My gut, however, is telling me that men have dwindled in population here because of DrB..and many women too. I don't think DrB wants to intentionally hurt anyone but how many times have people here talked till they are blue in the face over an obviously unfair block just to hear that his job isn't easy. No real answer but just trust me to know what's right for the board.
The first time I was blocked, I don't think anyone agreed with DB but that did not matter.Sorry for this long winded example, skip if you want.
[Say a boss at your company says, trust me to take care of you and go to bat for you. Mine says it constantly but a few weeks afterwards, I'm in a panic that I may lose my job soon. I'm home today because I had a major breakdown at work yesterday. I won't go into details but my willingness to see only his good side was naive. If I get a bad appraisal, which is due, this guy will wish it never happened. HR will hear things that make their head spin. I'm not being vindictive but my boss thinks he's god's gift to the organization but he has made some serious misjudgements.
One, I supervise a few people there. I've been there 3 years and he has discredited me in front of the whole organization. Where I come from, you back your managers in public and sort it out later. Hostile work environment is the least of his problems.]
The problem with all of this is my boss is not directly accountable to anyone. No oversight. If he says he's perfect, he has no one there to point out the mistakes except his employees. And if you are trying to do what you feel is right by saying he is wrong, you're a troublemaker. This man sees one dimension only. He asks for input and blows it off.
Dr. Bob has very little oversight that I know of. I don't care who you are, you should have independent people examining some of the complaints here. Not us all fighting for or against DrB. We came here to help one another.
I heard an AA speaker once say that if you meet someone that won't cop to having some issues, then you may want to reconsider what they say.
The reason for this topic is a lot of some of the best people I've known have been, in some peoples minds, wronged. This could be out of context but I "think" Cam was told something to the effect of, why don't you just stick to answering questions on PB?
Zenhussy was banned for 6 months and I got banned for two weeks because I knew she wanted help. Did she and I post uncivilly, yes. My depression is 95% anger and I must be careful. But if I feel a good friend has been hurt by being banned, and I know it hurt me the times I've been banned, then I'm not being true to myself to forgive and forget.
This much I know, when I am overly angry, it's because I've been hurt. Tears are next.
With more moderating help here, if a well known supporter of the board is suddenly furious, I feel maybe they could be talked to privately by email with the intent being to get them back on the board and make sure they are safe. Look out for your people and the shy and reserved will feel safe.
If this board was started by DB for the deeply intrinsic value of truly helping people, I feel feedback would not be ignored. I feel it would be nice to hear my name as I'm being kicked out of here. It's nice to hear, Phil, you screwed up and I must block you but please come back. Many people here like your posts. Instead, it's a clinical, impersonal kick in the pants.
The latest example: I ask Bob if he has demographics to see if what I think is happening truly is. I asked in a sincere professional manner.
Now his response may look benign to some. Good question, I don't know. What do you think?
Fallsfall saw the evasiveness about five minutes later. I was just going to accept his answer.
I have no agenda to overthrow Babble or hurt DrBob's feelings(great now I cry again) and don't think he knows how destructive the half answers and many other examples of coldness can hurt people. This isn't just a little chat board. If things in the medical field keep going the way they are, this may be our only resource or one of the few for real support.
One more thing and I'll wrap this longwinded post up. I was deeply disappointed, DrBob, when you were going to use sar's story in a report or speech , I'm not sure of the context but I think you were wondering aloud if you should contact her parents, or someone brought that up to you. You said something to the effect of. well, she signed off here so I don't think I will. You may, for reasons I don't know, have had a sound reason not to but I don't know what that would be. I think her parents and sister would have had a great chance to grieve if you humbly called and introduced yourself and said, I am truly sorry for the loss of your daughter. Maybe I'm a naive dreamer but coming from a small town, I just think you had a chance to make the parents feel cared about, and by a top university, big city psychiatrist calling them and humbly asking their permission. Is there a higher calling in life?
I'm hurting today extremely bad but not because of the board but personal issues. I hope that I'm not coming across to you as too emotional or heaping my issues on you. Whether you believe this or not, I feel tremendous gratitude and love for you, no matter your shortcomings. Whether I'm wrong or right isn't important to me but it is important to me to say that I do care. If I didn't love this place, I wouldn't have stayed.
I threw out this post hoping someone else or everyone else would look at the issue and resolve it.
I didn't intend to say anymore but questions were directed at me and I felt I should just talk.
You are someone I don't know who has given me, free of charge, the opportunity to talk to fellow sufferers. It has made me feel so much less alone.
I'm an adult child of alcoholics and I hope that whoever bothers to read this thread will go to ACOA's site to see the real me, what made me who I am and who I'll never be.
We are all suffering little children underneath the anger and self-hatred and even happiness.
All I ask is to be treated with respect. Same for all posters here and I promise I'll try harder to be fair with others, too.
Thank you for hearing out an emotional basket case.
I'm capable of extreme anger so I have to wake up in the morning and ask my God to speak through me.
I mean no harm.Phil
poster:Phil
thread:311911
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040112/msgs/312190.html