Posted by mair on May 26, 2002, at 11:53:22
In reply to choosing our battles... » dinah 2, posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 11:11:04
Dinah
It really pains me to watch what you put yourself through on this Board sometimes. You are without any doubt, one of the most intelligent and articulate participants on this board, and of course caring as well. You've been an immense help to me - I'm sure more than you might appreciate. However, maybe because of the OCD you do seem to have a tough time just letting things go - and the longer you hold onto them the more hurt and emotionally involved you become. - it's not the first thought you have that gets you in trouble, it's the second an beyond.
I decided late last night that my "transference" answer to your question about why get offended on others' behalf was not anywhere near as glib a response as it sounded to me at first. In fact I started writing you a more serious second reply when I stopped because I realized that "transference" ( or some form of it as I understand the concept) might be my answer again. There's a difference between simply putting yourself in someone else's shoes, and putting them on and then wearing those shoes around until they become your own. I think KK is right - that some interactions on the board maybe trigger some childhood memories that then need to be played out. I think there's nothing wrong with that - I think that happens to all of us, but it seems to cause you greater pain than most in the process, and you seem to have a greater problem avoiding those situations that upset you so much.
I hope you find a way to strike a balance on the board - that allows you to participate, contribute and ask for the support we all need, without tormenting yourself in the process - no one on the Board is worth that much torment and nothing the Board can offer you is worth that either.
Please take care of yourself.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:5335
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020510/msgs/5350.html