Posted by JahL on June 14, 2001, at 16:46:50
In reply to Re: Cam » JahL, posted by Cam W. on June 14, 2001, at 9:59:05
Cam,
Thanks for reciprocating my clear-the-air gesture. It means lot. My medication assuages chronic suicicidal ideation, but in its place comes obsessively hostile/homocidal thoughts. It's a measure of this that up until reading yr latest post I had been kept up @ night by thoughts of "f***ing Cam this & f***ing Cam that" ! Silly I know, but that's the nature of the beast. I'm not the sort of person that naturally backs down, but confrontation is v. unhealthy for me right now.
Part of the problem (?) is that we are seemingly both passionate, committed individuals with strongly held convictions. I think we both exaggerated the case to make our point (at least I did). And you're right, we do have a lot of common ground.
I wholeheartedly concur with yr core point; an endorsement of the work ethic. It's just that yr original post was so concise, & deliberately worded I felt this to be a generous interpretation @ the time. I actually agree with yr view of many humans as being fundamentally lazy, pessimistic as it is.
I also agree many people have unrealistic expectations of meds; pills can't make you *happy* (happiness is self-created, with chance throwing its lot in), but *can* make some feel 'normal' (human) [this subtle but significant difference in meaning perhaps was at the root of our spat] , a baseline from which the individual has the *choice* to actively change their life for the better. Is this what you meant?
My point, & it's more important than it seems, was that quite often the role of meds is downplayed (ie. by psychologists) so that those with 'biologically-orientated' (ie me) 'depression' are denied the chance of a pop @ true 'happiness'. Had I not 'discovered' euthymia through persisting with meds, my entire life would've been a dreary sham. And I'm angry that certain unethical psychotherapists actively discouraged me from trying meds. This displaced anger found you, unfortunately.
Anyway, I cld go on all night (it's a subject that interests me). But I won't. Lamotrigine has pretty much pooped out on me, so I'm back to ball-of-hate status & wld not be a healthy influence on this board. Allied to the fact that severe mental retardation is making me feel increasingly ignorant (I can't read, or assimilate information), and detracts from my ability to express myself; this is principally why I've decided to take a back seat on posting.
Thanks,
J.PS- a correction: I *am* jealous of you; jealous that you have the capacity for remission! I can only dream...hope it happens for you.
poster:JahL
thread:1236
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20010315/msgs/1411.html