Posted by baseball55 on November 14, 2017, at 18:46:27
In reply to help, but no thanks... Long and boring, posted by B2chica on November 14, 2017, at 10:55:02
I understand completely how you are feeling. I have been there myself too many times. I also understand how your husband is feeling - mine got the same way - and how much worse his response makes you feel. If your children are keeping you alive right now - do you really need to ruminate about a future when they will be gone and not be a reason to stay alive. Try as best you can to stay in the present.
You may not want to do this, but I strongly suggest you go to an ER and tell them you are suicidal. Don't beat around the bush and say, probably not, don't know. Tell them you can't stop ruminating on suicide and you are afraid you will act on these thoughts. Many people talk about psych hospitalizations as these horrible experiences, but my experience was that most had well-trained staff, p-docs who will look over your meds, social workers who will talk to your husband and you. It can give you a respite from daily life and these tortuous thoughts.
There is no shame in doing this. I was hospitalized several times including four fairly long hospitalizations and I left with new meds, new treatments and feeling much more hopeful.
I also suggest you talk to your therapist ASAP. See her 2 or 3 times a week if you need to (and can afford to). Tell her exactly what's going on. If she can't handle suicidality (some can't) ask her for a referral.
Please don't try to do this on your own or over the internet. You need face-to-face interaction with people who can do their best to help you through this.
poster:baseball55
thread:1095871
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20161215/msgs/1095884.html