Re: the spirit of Truth

Posted by Lamdage22 on April 20, 2016, at 14:14:00

In reply to Re: the spirit of Truth, posted by Tabitha on April 20, 2016, at 13:39:22

That is tough struggling for 40 years. I can identify with some of this.
> It is interesting to see the phrase "The Spirit of Truth". I have been struggling with depression for probably 40 years now, and I have just recently realized that I repeatedly start feeling like I have discovered some great Truth. It's always a dark truth, something that makes all human society or human life itself seem fundamentally flawed and horrible. Signs of the dark truth are suddenly everywhere, such that I can't escape it. I am convinced that the Truth was always there but I was blind to it. I spend time going over my entire history, seeing evidence of the Truth all along. I re-write my personal history to include the Truth.
>
> For a while the Truth is actually comforting, despite also being a horrible revelation. It just feels good to finally see the Truth. It is a feeling of power and discernment. It even feels sort of good to be alone with the Truth, because it makes me special and wiser than others. But, eventually I'm overtaken by such a horrible depression that I am driven to get my treatment back in order.
>
> As the depression lifts, the Truth fades away. It just no longer seems true. I realize that my Truth was an interpretation of events, and there are many alternate interpretations. I'm usually embarrassed that I believed my Truth, and sorry if I spoke out of it or acted out of it. I'm also glad to be free of the Truth, since it was so dark and horrible.
>
> Yet, when it begins, the sense that the Truth is *true* is so compelling that it fools me over and over.
>
> I have decided to try very hard to see a growing sense of new Truth as a symptom of depression. It frightens me though, because it's so humbling to recognize that my Truth-detector is faulty, and that I'm susceptible to distorted beliefs. Also because I'm afraid I will fail, and be sucked into believing more distorted Truths.

schizo-affective, type depressive
Seroquel 600mg
Zyprexa 12.5mg
75mg Effexor
Lithium orotate 360mg
Metformin 2000mg
5.000 IU Vitamin D during winter

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