Posted by g_g_g_unit on July 20, 2014, at 8:12:25
I haven't posted here for a while, mostly because I haven't seen the point in much anymore, but for the past 6 months I've been suffering from this inner restlessness that starts from when I wake up, and then persists for the rest of the day. It literally feels like I'm being tortured and is accompanied by severe concentration difficulties, plus this abstract terror/feeling of being completely overwhelmed/inability to do any kind of purposeful activity etc. It's really hard to describe accurately, but just basic activities like needing to go in a car or shower provoke the utmost fear.. and lying down or relaxing or getting a break from the relentless unrest is impossible. The only thing that alleviates the feeling is being in motion .. but I can't commit to any single activity for very long at all ..
Unfortunately, I can't tolerate anything anymore either. Even supplements. Benzos agitate me, so did clonidine, so did Guanfacine. What's probably saved my life has been melatonin, which lets me lie still enough after I ingest it to fall asleep. I don't want to precisely label what I have as akathisia, because strangely it appeared after stopping a low dose of Mirtazapine .. but it feels precisely how akathisia felt on the various meds I experienced it on. It isn't just a normal restlessness or dissatisfaction or overstimulation .. it's an inner *discomfort* or pressure or something. I also have leg jerking when I lie down at night, toe curling, plus bruxism/jaw clenching.
I saw a neurologist who said the only treatment was Propanolol, which doesn't really help, and he wouldn't prescribe it anyway because it exacerbates depression .. so I had to see a neuropsychiatrist first, who spent 45 minutes quizzing me on my relationships/life, was mostly incensed about the various benzos I'd been permitted to try, then told me nothing was wrong with me. The problem is that Propanolol and Nicotine control the symptoms enough that I can go out and sit in a doctor's room for 50 minutes, but it's not normality, or anywhere near .. and I ran out of money after that, so couldn't afford to go back to the neurologist or run any tests ..
So I don't really know what to do. I don't trust medical professionals anymore, feel profoundly trapped and quite literally backed into a corner because being taken out of this very small zone where I'm existing now seems nightmarish. I'm going to try see a mental health GP who had positive reviews on ratemd tomorrow, but I just can't bear to try and explain this all to him coherently or not make it sound like just anxiety or something.
Some supplements helped at first (theanine, Nicotine, magnesium ..) which is how I've kept going .. but it's not getting any better. I even tried buprenorphine very briefly, but was too nauseous to persist. I have a script for Requip, which my old GP was pushing on me, but I'm scared it might not be a sustainable solution, or whether it might make things worse in the long-run (receptor downregulation etc.)? He didn't seem to have any idea, and had never used it to treat akathisia, which didn't really make me feel at ease.
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to rant. And I hate to do this, but I saw poser98 add a disclaimer to phiddipus about not replying to his stuff once .. if all you want to add is how what I'm experiencing is anxiety, or need an SSRI, or that med sensitivities don't exist .. then please don't, that stuff just triggers me and makes me feel worse.
poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:1068586
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20140717/msgs/1068586.html