Posted by zonked on February 18, 2014, at 19:13:41
Sorry it's been awhile.
you guys will remember my Mom is sick. Well, she has maybe weeks to months to live. I returned to California unprepared - that is - I never imagined that I'd have PTSD-like feelings coming back here. Yet, I am going to have to have an uncomfortable (for me) phone call with the insurance provider (I have a Medicare Advantage/Medicaid provider with a network in the Puget Sound area, only.) I am gonna have to ask for a special exception.
Never thought I might have PTSD until I came back here - I am afraid to leave the house, that people are "staring" at me or "judging" me, even though I know they're not. I remarked to several people that the metro area my mom lives in, and I lived in until a year ago, has been "ruined" for me by off and on homelessness in this area for years.
I am afraid to tell a shrink all of this, because I do not want my irrational fears mistaken for paranoia that requires antipsychotic medication, something I do not want to put in my body. I have no familial support with this.
No amount of Xanax ,BTW , seems to reduce or calm my fears much about leaving the house, being in crowds or on public transportation, etc. I wake up in a terror and it does not cease.
Yet, if I return to WA, my mom will likely die without me around and I am afraid that will do me in. Sorry about this. very scared.
-z
poster:zonked
thread:1060844
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20140214/msgs/1060844.html