Posted by g_g_g_unit on January 25, 2013, at 5:31:55
In reply to Re: disheartening psychiatrist appt. » g_g_g_unit, posted by Phillipa on January 24, 2013, at 23:01:42
I told my psychiatrist I felt suicidal, and had been researching methods (which is true), figuring it would help.
He asked who I (metaphorically) wanted to kill.
I said the me who is defective and born with an illness that has derailed my life. That was the trigger which led to him accusing me of having a fatalistic mindset and not being invested in wanting to change. I said I can't change because my day is so preoccupied by intrusive thoughts that I don't even know who I am anymore, which led him to suggest that I'm somehow 'using' the obsessions as a kind of secondary gains to avoid dealing with life.
He is right in that I can't accept a 'defective' me, who is ill and will never self-actualize, but he grossly underestimates how much suffering I am experiencing, and how little I can do to control it. It almost felt callous. I've been hurt and reeling the entire day. I saw this guy for 2 years and was never entirely comfortable around him, but I thought we had developed some kind of trust.
Is this "tough love"?
poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:1036417
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130124/msgs/1036453.html