Posted by rjlockhart37 on January 21, 2013, at 18:18:34
i've gotta write this....living at home....its like i forget to do the simplist things...like some idiot who doesnt have common sense...you know, leave things and then forget where they are....forgetting to feed the cats and my parents get angry at me...for a good reason too...really...but you know i've thought about this....this is how my brain is....and no matter how much humilation people will put on me for doing stupid stupid things....its like my mind does not change...
i was living with my aunt and uncle and didnt do certain things that where ... just normal people could do....rerember to lock the door...take out the trash...clean...i am vary good janitor when it comes to house work but im a forgetful janitor too...and do incredibly stupid things for no reason. You know i just can't stand...i have so much selfloathing and sorrow about my condition and who i am...if i was living somwhere else besides my parents house...i would get riducled, it would be a nightmare....but they understand somewhat that this is how i work....
i'm going back to college for a couple months...its a computer class....but when i was college in 2007 i would lose my keys, my books, my important scheduel papers for tests....all this sh*t, and then i would lose my mind and curse. I'm not trying to write a post on self deprivation or negative stuff...this is reality for me....i do this stupid, forgetful stuff all the time...if im aware of it or not....usally im not aware of it and thats why i get ridiculed all the time.
but....im gonna branch off on subject that i have talked about before....you know spirit relm....i occatonally will get these images, maybe its just imagination, but get messages on what to do....where i put stuff....its like they see me and know im a mess, and i do get help from the spirit relm....but to be specific...lucifer is in my thoughts, and its not a bad tormenting feeling, i just get this message i don't have to be afraid anymore....anyways, that really sounds like a bunch of crock....maybe it is.
but anways...no medication is going to curse this....when iwas on vyvanse 140mg the highest strength of an amphetamine....i still did things, maybe i was more focused and motivated, but still i was a mess...amphetamines usally make me mean to people when they critize me, when i was working for my brother...i would do things stupid, he would get mad....but i would get mean and cold and say things i can't believe i said back him, stimulants paticually amphetamines make me confident but vary cold. I'm usally a warm hearted person who cares too much about things...
anyways enough with this yakkin dakkin makkin stuff...i just had to get that out....
thanks for reading...
r
not a scholar but understand distress
Med:
Prozac 60mg
Lamictal 200mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Nuvigil 250mg
encourage you to avoid false beliefs
poster:rjlockhart37
thread:1036008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130112/msgs/1036008.html