Posted by b2chica on July 17, 2012, at 12:05:01
In reply to Re: sick and sicker » b2chica, posted by SLS on July 16, 2012, at 16:41:45
sometimes 'I' dont even know.
my depression happens on this stair step that just when i think i'm bad i go a step up then two steps down etc.
all the while not sure if i'm gradually getting worse or slightly getting better...until i'm in an acute phase.
i'm blaming xanax as it seems after these last several years being on a off it, i've noticed a trend that after i'm on it for a few months straight i get to my 'required' dosage, and then i start to drink more and take more pills. it reminds me of when i was on effexor how i 'craved to drink'. its like a craving to take pills.
and of course when i am disinhibited to that degree with pills and alcohol my supressed feelings of suicide pop up.**********************
i'm backing off on xanax and trying to drink less. not doing so great on the drinking part but better on the xanax, that plus maybe just the pristiq is helping and last night i had no urge to harm myself. (just wanted to drink into stupor). baby steps...i say laughingly.i am still mildly down, but i can smiled yesterday and truly meant it.
but i am hesitant to be too encouraged as i know pristiq has this lovely honeymoon phase.
so we'll see. and hopefully it can get a touch higher, as i'm sinking for my afternoon lul.
"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke
poster:b2chica
thread:1021145
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120630/msgs/1021608.html