Posted by Novelagent on May 15, 2012, at 17:30:01
In reply to Re: Approved for disability, posted by Christ_empowered on May 15, 2012, at 16:27:20
It sounds like we have a lot in common-- we both appear to be born again somewhat(?), had a psychotic episode that no longer affects us, and now, on disability (I think you said you had it already, although I can't recall). We also both appear to have a bunch of college credits from a mixed academic history, and are looking to see what college is absurd enough to help us recycle them for a diploma basically made out of our scraps.
Look, yeah, it sounds like you just want to take it one step at a time, but you need to re-approach this from a rather different light: it is precisely -because- you have a disability that was hard on you that you should expect more out of yourself, and even achieve more than you likely would have had you never had the disability challenge what limits you only know you had because you had to confront such limits to begin with. And now that those limits are rather pulled back again, all the more reason to challenge yourself to find what new heights you can strive toward.
The fact you've come this far is a reason to push yourself in ways you might never thought were worth it, if for no other reason that to prove you can beat the odds still.
The worst part is pretty much over. The storm's over, so why must you hide in your shelter? 35? The re-building might not seem fun, but it's a lot better than living a life in waiting.
What are you going to do to make yourself feel rewarded somehow? Empowered? Why would you fear answering that question? If you need motivation, take some Vyvanse-- it's being studied, with good results, for schizophrenia by Shire (although any stimulant will suffice). Google shire vyvanse schizophrenia to read the results of their phase II trial-- they also presented two posters on Vyvanse for schizophrenia.
You should probably be on a long-acting injection, if you're not on one. They are helpful in making the odds of relapse go down to like zero. I also like it, because I don't have to worry about missing a dose, which causes me to feel tired for the next four days to the point I can't function.
But yeah, the storm's over. You can do things like work just 9 hours a week for some extended time, or take just one or two classes to help ease you back into college life-- you need to be aware all-or-nothing thinking is not your friend, and is distorting your perspective + ability to make good life choices right now. No one's saying, find a 60 hour job you'll burn out at, or go back to school on a full course load and declare a triple major.
You can find gasps of breath while re-introducing yourself to the world again, and your medical benefits take years to expire and even then, there's medicare buy-in programs for when you're transitioning back off of disability once it expires. You'll continue to receive Medicaid for as long as you are somewhat poor, and you also don't need to earn much to break even, given your apartment. So, you have a lot of things to feel alright with.
> I didn't mean "crazed" in a terrible way, lol. Its just...odd. Before, I was basically The Village Idiot (unmedicated psychosis). Now, I'm much more lucid, a bit smarter, etc. etc....and I can get disability.
>
> Anyway, my parents are looking into that trust thing. I'm thinking that I should probably stick w/ vocational rehab. Honestly, a lot of my problems aren't even psychiatric. I was treated like crap when I was un-medicated and exploited and stigmatized...it makes it hard to want to *DO* anything besides take a little bit of $$$ from the government, light up a cigarette, and chill the f*ck out. But I can't live that way.
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> I do have loads of college credits, so this plan to achieve self-sufficiency interests me. If I can find an online program (a non-profit one, obviously) that'll work with me, I think I could hve a 4 year degree in 1.5-2.5 years, depending on how many of my fluffly social science credits actually get counted.
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> I'm actually doing better now than I have...ever. I was a weird kid, an awkward teen who heard voices, and then disordered and crazed for a bit there. Now I take 1-2 meds, loads of vitamins, and I actually (gasp) function, to some extent. I have some social skills, I have the ability to learn things and interact well with people in a work environment, I've been properly socialized through Christian Rehab, so a lot of my "disordered" feelings and behaviors are a thing of the past....
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> ...basically, I don't feel *good* about disability, but I feel like I can benefit from it. Make sense? I think that if I can get my sh!t together and just stick with the program, I can probably be autonomous by...I dunno...35?
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> For most people, that'd be a little bit ridiculous. But ocnsidering how far I've come, being autonomous with a long standing psychotic disorder plus all the "disorders" that used to plague my existence, is doing OK, I think.
poster:Novelagent
thread:1017525
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120508/msgs/1017973.html