Posted by g_g_g_unit on March 19, 2012, at 4:53:16
In reply to Re: getting frustrated - Parnate experts?, posted by kagome on March 18, 2012, at 21:22:19
Thanks for being a voice of reason. I was overjoyed (but also rightfully skeptical) when I opened my inbox this morning and found that I'd had 12 responses to my thread. Shame on me for not realizing that I'd been another victim of Lou's anti-medication tirades (which I haven't even bothered to wade through).
You mention that "it's not helping your depression to be on a benzo". Are you referring to Klonopin or Clonidine (since the latter isn't a benzo)? If you are in fact taking Clonidine, what dose are you currently on? Like I say, I found 0.1mg ineffective as far as sleep onset goes, though I must admit that I was *far* less irritable on Parnate today (how much credit should go to the 10mg of Valium I took last night, I don't know).
I was under the impression that you'd reduced your Parnate dose - with the intention of withdrawing completely - though it's nice to have a companion in arms. It isn't my intention to give up at this point, but I know I *have* to reach at least 30mg as soon as possible, because I don't know how much longer I can stand these awful night-time crashes into depression and despair.
In terms of passing the time, I wish I could read and do more things on my own. Some stuff - news articles etc. - is manageable, and when the stimulant aspect of the Parnate is working, I can manage long-form New Yorker articles. But I just don't really have either the concentration or emotional capacity for fiction. I was hoping that's something the Parnate might *improve* eventually. But so far that's one of the downsides of the stimulant aspect - it makes me a little robotic and joyless, and even when I have the drive to socialize, I'm quite constricted. Anyway, I shouldn't complain too much. I just feel very stuck and can't see an end in sight right now and it's worrying me.
> I've been taking Clonidine for nighttime insomnia (which is most frustrating since I seem to be able to sleep at every other moment besides night) and for occasional irritability. I agree with Scott that it's probably not a sustainable solution, but I see nothing wrong with using it until you get up to a therapeutic dose of Parnate, which I am the first to say is a difficult, difficult thing. I don't know if it's made my BP worse - Parnate has tended to make me hypertensive instead of hypo - but I'm sure it's not helping depression to be on a benzo. I just see it as a bridge to help me get to where I want to go on Parnate.
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> In terms of things to do in the meantime, I wish I knew! I posted almost the exact same question and received almost the exact same response (i.e. mostly from Lou about the evils of medication). It sounds like you're doing more than I am - as much as I know exercise and being with friends helps, I'm having the hardest time making myself do that right now. I guess the things that have helped is doing anything, absolutely anything, whether a silly paint-by-numbers or sudoku or practicing guitar and knowing that if I keep doing anything I'll eventually get better at doing that thing, which gives me hope of doing better in general. I'm also reading a lot of Camus and Tolstoy which probably doesn't actually help but it does remind me that a lot of amazing people experienced severe depression and while I don't have the same ability to turn it into art I can at least try to start expressing it in more creative ways.
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> To me it sounds like you're on your way, so keep at it. And good luck!
> -kagome
>
poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:1013373
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120316/msgs/1013431.html