Posted by B2chica on January 19, 2012, at 8:32:57
In reply to Re: i got nothing » B2chica, posted by Beckett on January 18, 2012, at 1:57:09
it seems to be getting a bit better, but im also loading up on gabapentin during the day so to not be teary eyed.
i'm now to the point where i'm basically loopy all day and night to avoid feelings.
this is not good either.
i decided today that i'm weaning down just to see where i'm at.
i'm sitting at despondant right now but not sad or tearful. just not that caring.
last night i couldnt even care for kids. i HATE that. i hate when they actually want me to play with them and i have to tell them that i have No energy. that i'm tired and that i dont feel well.it still could be hormonal, who knows. the suicidal thoughts have seemed to subside except at nights when i want to take so many ...more and more of my meds.
last night i discovered i have two extra partially full bottles of xanax. and many other drugs.
i closed the box quickly and locked it. i went to hug my girls.im not really suicidal, but i want to take enough to make me dull. to dull down my senses. now that i'm off all the heavy medications, my intelligence is getting in the way of the life i've created.
i dont know what i'm supposed to do. i have no one to talk to about the things i really enjoy, or the books that i really read (that i dont tell people).anyway.
i guess i'm just a big sad sack that doesn't get worse and doesnt get better.
poster:B2chica
thread:1007553
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120108/msgs/1007755.html