Posted by Meddy43 on August 8, 2011, at 11:51:57
In reply to Re: Bipolar-Wellbutrin-Zyprexa-Lyrica-Oxazepam ?, posted by morgan miller on August 8, 2011, at 10:36:56
Dear Morgan, thank you for your kindness.
As for my diagnosis, I think my ilness developed in my late teens, with an initial depressive episode. As time passed by, I had well periods, untill, when in Med School, I got Manic (but hey, I got my MD AND PhD simultaneously ;-), but my mania was considered "normal", being a lab rat and all that...
I continued to have major depressions, some psychotic, but nothing was done at that time. I did see a psychiatrist, but he abused me sexually, so I went off trying to trust anyone for a while.
I self prescribed with the help of one of my reseach fellows antidepressants for myself, mostly SSRI's, and Citalopram seemed to help the depressions, but I did have what I now think were mixed episodes after a while, and stopped taking the meds. Well, I was the first to graduate from my Med School, and went on to marry a nice man, and have six kids. One was stillborn, and especially at that time I spiralled down into deep depression. I was always very anxious and depressed while pregnant, but got manic after their births. When the twins were born I compiled my final thesis for my PhD, while they were still in their incubators (they were 5 weeks premature). But the manic episodes developed rapidly into what I now think of as mixed episodes, where I was so agitated that I tried to bleed myself to death, hang myself with a tourniquet, wander in the dark of night in the city etc. but there were well episodes in between, and I was in the work force for 15 years, mostly within psychiatry (go figure ;-), with only short leaves of absence in between.
At the time when three of our babies were born, all under the ages of three, I did stumble into a nice psychiatrist. He worked at a community mental health clinic, and agreed to take me on as his patient even when he relocated into a hospital, and treated me for three years, three times a year (I don't know if the fact that I painted the community toilet wall with blood, saying "don't leave me" had anything to do with why he took on my case...). The therapy helped me stop self-injury, and go thru a lot of stuff, but my mood swing did not stop. Our therapy ended as we moved to another country due to employment issues.
I do know that I may have traits of a borderline kind, but now that I am in my forties, they seem to play a very minor role in my daily life.
I did try quite a few SSRI's but since they were not combined by a stabilizer or an antipsychotic, ended doing more harm than good. And even now, when I am finally treated for a correct diagnose; SSRI's really don't help much with my depressions, neither do moclobemide, mirtazapine, venlafaxine; and reboxetine sent me to a mixed episode.
I have used different benzodiazepines since the age of 15, so I guess the damage is done, so to say as for cognitive impairment and such, but I do feel that a small dose of a benzo, such as oxazepam 15 mg x 4, is needed for me to function at all. Olanzapine has also helped some.
I have now been almost symptom free for a year and a half, which is a great, as I tried to kill myself (seriously) a year and a half ago.
Sadly, my 15 year marriage ended in divorce 3 years ago. My husband has the kids for the majority of the time, but my psychiatrist thinks it may be time that I could have them half the time, which I would love. Hence I don't want to rock the boat with too many drug alterations, but life was so very sedentary, and lacking of energy, that I decided to add Wellbutrin/Voxra/bupropion into my drugs a couple of weeks ago, and I have been very pleased with the results. No mania, no mixed episode, no psychosis, just a bit more joy in my life. I will ofcourse discuss this line of medication with my psychiatrist, and I so very much hope she agrees on keeping me on it.
Sorry, I've been a vegetarian for thirty years now, and don't eat anything with neurons ;-)
Thank you for listening to me and helping me. With kind regards, Meddy43
poster:Meddy43
thread:993047
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110728/msgs/993185.html