Posted by floatingbridge on June 1, 2011, at 22:40:52
In reply to Guilt, wrt: repeated treatment failures, posted by zonked on May 31, 2011, at 20:01:40
Today I saw my new gp. She oversees my pain medication, norco, and has placed a workable cap on it. Good. She was going to oversee my xanax usage. Valium was added for emsam/general sleep issues when xanax began failing.
Previously we tried a round of doxepin which failed. Valium was her suggestion. I get pretty hysterical about
sleep--let me be up front, and I consider myself difficult.O.K. Today she tells me that I am just a person who can't take medicine. My journal book is open before us, and I say well, I tolerate these. The emsam getd me out of bed. We come to this
same place every visit.When I told her I was concerned the norco was slowly escalating, she daid, well you're not getting anymore for the month. I know, I told her, I understand. I'm not asking for more. I can make
do. What I want to ask you is what I should do if I have a pain spike. I get the same answer. Then she says, go out in nature, meditate, stop reading the blogs you read.*Sigh*
Yes, I say, I'm working on these things. But the doctor you sent me to for my back and fibro told you I would need medication going forward and that I have more pain than I can manage alone. By now she's walking out the door on to the next patient. Well, she says over her shoulder, pain can
remit.She capped my Valium script for ten pills, to take one or two as needed. She didn't renew because on two nights I had taken two. She held me to ten days. I don't know what to do. My benzo use hasn't been an issue for over ten years. I haven't abused. I tried seroquel, doxepin, amitrytline was nixed. Ambien nixed.
Why isn't my pdoc managing this anymore? Nor my emsam? I have
gotten into a ridiculous situation. How? [Rhetorical ]I tried to be clear, honest, as skillful as I could remember to be today, inspired by this thread. I did tell her I was not ready to give up xanax. That maybe it is best to
have my pdoc oversee everything except
the pain med. Fine she said. You have one emsam patch for tomorrow, right?I have never been truly afraid of doctors until I had physical pain. My self-esteem has taken some real hits. I feel like I'm
being treated like a child, and I feel
afraid like one. When my husband says,
well did you say this, it seems so clear. Like Sol's and Scott's advice. But I get thrown off. Scared.I think I need to go back to my old, disinterested gp. He didn't have much
curiosity, but he didn't have this agenda of getting me off medication. He was more sad, sort of, like oh well, some people need it. At the time I found that intolerable. I was going to whip depression. I only had intermittent pain back then.O.K. So tomorrow my pdoc. Geez. I will just carry the wisdom and skills from this thread--and my husband.
* and whoever gazes at the stars will never again be quite alone...
c-ptsd & attendant health concerns
poster:floatingbridge
thread:986756
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110529/msgs/986889.html