Posted by uncouth on December 19, 2010, at 14:48:24
Hi everyone,
It's been quite some time since I've posted. Last time I posed was talking about how effective phenylethylamine (PEA) was for me probalby 6-9 months ago. Unfortunately, I became dependent on it, and tolerant such that I had to increase the dose substantially. It caused some mixed hypomania, and exacerbated other addictive tendencies, especially internet addiction. It interfered with my sleep, but still, it was more effective than virtually all antidepressants I've tried at raising my mood, and it did so immediately.
An amazing side effect was that it reduced my smoking by 80%, and I only smoke 2-3 cigarettes a day and don't even feel compulsed to or crave it, it's more out of habit (message me if you wan't to know the details about how I reduced my smoking...)
However, things came to a head 3 months ago with the PEA causing mood instability (got in 4 fender benders within 3 months my fault, couldn't focus on a single taxk for any measurable period of time, lost a shitload of money in the stockmarket basically gambling on high risk stock options...as a result of the PEA plus hypomania induced by cymbalta and abilify). So my doctor and parents pushed me into RESIDENTIAL treatment (aka rehab) for both the bipolar instability, the compulsive self-medicating with PEA and other prescription drugs (buying them from overseas, mixing them), and compulsive use of supplaments. I was on over 40 supplaments and meds 4 months ago! And all of them had a specific "rationale" based on my compulsive and obsessive research of primary sources and academic journal articles via Pubmed.com
SO anyway, I spent 9 weeks in a high end residential facility (althoug not so high end that only celebrities went there), 100 bed facility in Arizona (which if you didn't know, seems to be the center of rehab / treatment facilities in the country). It had a ton of holistic therapies too, EMDR, neurofeedback/biofeedback, 12 steps, summer camp-like teambuilding exercises, and a incredibly diverse group of people I met. It was one of the best experiences of my life, and I got a ton out of it and I thought I had made some significant headway on my issues.
It was so freeing and refreshing and felt so good to not be connected to the internet 18 hours a day. I only had 2 hours of internet access a week, and after a while, I didn't even crave that amount. Without the distraction of internet and thinking about my depression issues in a state of fear or feeling like I had to solve my own problems, I was able to do deeper work in both groups and individually and just spendin ga ton of time talking about issues with the other patients. I also was more creative in terms of ideas (business ideas mostly) than I had ever been in my life. Played a ton of backgammon and even learned how to play pickleball. I'm happy to provide more details if you are interested if you private message me. It cost an arm and a leg though, I can't give details on this public forum but suffice to say it wasn't some budget facility.
However, when I came back 6 weeks ago, to my old environment, to my isolation in San Francisco where I live alone, to no job or stable daily routine, and to my money problems, car issues (my car broke down and I can't afford a down payment on a new one), and to the pressure of feeling like I had to succeed in longer term treatment goals, I basically relapsed within 2 weeks.
I didn't go to 12 step meetings and I'm still resisting it now, coming up with excuses or "forgetting" to go every day. I'm still on the PEA. And I'm still struggling with supplement compulsivity (although I am *not* ordering meds from overseas besides tianeptine which was agreed upon by my doctor). I'm still obsessing over my med regime (High does wellbutrin (600mg, our target is to get to 900), 400mg lamictal, 120 geodon, deplin, starting tianeptine in a week or two, 25mcg of Thyroid T3, and my endocrinologist is letting me try 1cc of testosterone shot each week, along with HCG injections every day. I'm totally overmedicated but feel trapped. Oh, and I'm also trying baclofen which in the past few years has shown incredible efficacy in controlling alchol, stimulant, and other addictions as It abolishes cravings significantly.
IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING WITH ADDICTION OR CRAVING, YOU *MUST* IMMEDIATELY INVESTIGATE BACLOFEN AND ASK YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT IT ASAP. Some people are calling it the magic bullet for addiction, and the first potential CURE for alcoholism and cocaine and etc. addiction.
I'm also doing intense neurofeedback (LENS, Brainfield i think its called, z-score, and using this incredibly unique and one-of-a-kind device called pRoshi which is a light stimulator that actually normalizes and smooths out your EEG patterns and eliminates spikes in your frequency spectrum. Look into it too, and I'm happyt o answer follow up questions.
In treatment, I tried a bunch of different meds and combinations, including 200mg of Rilutek for 4 weeks, which I think was actually moderately effective and similar to Lamotrigine in it's effects, but withou thte cognitive and memory issues. I'd still be on it if it wasn't for the incredibly expensiveness of the drug. ($1500 a month at least for 200mg).
I'm highly optimistic about tianeptine, and it's been actually getting more interest over the past 2-3 years and being looked at more seriously by US based psychiatrists, even though its not availble here. The proliferation of research on glutamate dysfunction as a major causitive factor (and potential final common pathway for all sorts of drugs) has caused increasd excitement into tianeptine, as it's one of the few drugs that works directly on both glutamate, stress resilience, neurogenesis, and even cognition. And with low side effects!
I hope someday they create a extended release version that is approved in this country.
I'm also thinking about trying Oleptra, that new extended release version of trazodone. My doctor is quite enthused by it. I'll try it if the wellbutrin doesn't work.
Anyway, I know this was an incredibly long email, but I haven't posted in ages and major stuff has been happening.
I'mf alling back into depression right now, partially due to going off of Emsam and having gone back to my old difficult environment and problems after treatment. I'll make another post about some help I need deciding what to do next.
PM me with any and all private questions or ask me opublicly and i'll respond without delay to this threat.
Best,
Uncouth
poster:uncouth
thread:973999
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101218/msgs/973999.html