Posted by morgan miller on November 19, 2010, at 14:08:18
In reply to Hey Morgan...., posted by floatingbridge on November 19, 2010, at 13:10:08
I think I am experiencing some somatic symptoms, but some of what I am experiencing goes beyond anything that could be somatic. Some of it is related to all the physical trauma I subjected my body to. Some of it, I have to believe is the result of some type of dysfunction, which could be a result of long term chronic anxiety, stress, and depression, but what I would not consider to be directly somatic. I've been horribly depressed for 3 months at a time, and my body felt great, so I have a hard time believing that everything I'm experiencing is a direct result of current depression and anxiety. I do realize symptoms of pain and stiffness can get worse as chronic depression and anxiety continues on.
>You may not have brain damage from meds. Some people here do, but not everyone.
I actually think that most of us have some form or some amount of brain damage, whether it be permanent or not. Heck, even my brother and a few of my friends, none of whom have suffered from chronic mental illness or have been on any medication, admit that something along the way has damaged their brains. Just getting older causes brain damage. Our brains become more and more damaged as we age, as do our bodies. I do think that drugs like Lamictal and Zyprexa, coupled with severe episodes of mental illness, have done some amount of damage. Whether most of this damage can be reversed or not, who knows. I remember when I went to the local private psychiatric hospital for the first time the doctors told me that the severity and duration of my mixed episode may have caused permanent changes in my brain that may not allow me to respond to just taking antidepressants for monotherapy anymore. When I hear "permanent changes" that don't allow my brain to respond to medications the same way that it used to, I hear damage.
>Do you regret starting
medication? I mean, I can understand
that absolutely.I regret trying some medications and trying soooo many. If I had the right guidance and the right doctor, I probably could have saved myself from some unnecessary medication trials.
I really have no problem with taking medication as long as I function properly and feel well. And, as long as I absolutely need medication and there is no other option out there. I'm bipolar, so I figure, at least in the world I was brought into, medication is a necessity. I miss the days of just taking Zoloft, feeling great, sleeping great, and functioning great. Were things perfect? No. Was I a bit on the manic side half the time? Yes. But I felt good and function well, that's all that matters to me. Through maturation and therapy, I could have taken care of the manic thing. I'm sure many would disagree with this. I stopped Zoloft back in June of 2007 thinking everything was great and I didn't need medication anymore. The transition went pretty good. I went through a few days of withdrawal, about 4 or 5 days after cessation. Then I had to adjust a bit to being out in social situations, like going to happy hours. 5 months later, the perfect storm of events and circumstances, including being off Zoloft, sent me into a major mixed episode. Life just has not been the same since.
>I'm curious what your current regime is right now. Do you have a presiding doc that you see?
Currently:
Lithium 600 mg
Depakote 500 mg
St. John's Wort-Serofin-585 mgI think I may have to get back on an SSRI or other antidepressant/antidepressant combo. I was on Prozac. I just felt pretty numb and still felt like sh*t most of the time. I don't feel any worse on SJW, I just don't feel like I should feel.
I don't have a doctor I'm seeing currently, I know I need to find one. I liked my last one but he did not take insurance so I had to stop seeing him.
>Do you have a way of prioritizing issues and treatment? Are you able to enjoy some things?
I usually do not feel well enough to prioritize things the way I should right now. I need more financial and moral support and I'm just not getting it. Everyone in my family has grown tired of dealing with me. First it was my bipolar acting up, now it's all the physical/physiological issues(some that I had when I experienced the major episode 3 years ago, which was one of the stressors that pushed me over the edge). My father has been very generous, but now he just watches me suffer and doesn't seem to want to get involved. It's complicated. I need to have a conversation with him. I don't think he realized that I feel as old as he does when I get out of bed in the morning. I know he doesn't know that my hands and feet are extremely stiff and ache upon waking.
I'm really not able to enjoy much. I can't even feel music right now. I would say that I enjoy life about 25 percent of what I enjoyed it a little over 3 years ago.
I would never kill myself(well maybe if I'm 70 and feeling awful knowing that things are just going to get worse fast) but just going through the motions of life and existing is not living or worth living. I'm not a simple person, and simple life never really worked for me. I come from an urban/suburban area where it is common to go out and socialize, go to concerts, go to nightclubs and dance, have parties and go to parties-this is living to me. Hope I don't offend anyone that lives a more simple life in the countryside. I actually am friends with a babbler that lives in a more remote country location. I don't think there is anything wrong with a simple more secluded life, it's just not for me and never will be. I live a secluded life right now. I never really get out at all, I just don't feel well enough to be able to enjoy it. I actually look forward to going to work(I work 3 to 4 days a week at an organic market), even on the days week I feel bad(most days it seems lately), as being at work is really my only social outlet right now. Ugh, seriously, F U C K life!
poster:morgan miller
thread:970762
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101117/msgs/970766.html