Posted by morgan miller on November 2, 2010, at 1:26:29
In reply to Re: Deneb, how is today going? » morgan miller, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 0:17:05
My parents love me very much and there was no obvious trauma or neglect, but there was. If you have a predisposition to mental illness, which you likely have, it doesn't take much to be missing in your childhood to contribute to that mental illness. It is very common for us to remain in a state of denial, thinking our childhood was fine and our parents were great. We stay in denial to protect ourselves from the anger and sadness that we may feel if we faced reality. Unfortunately, staying in denial also prevents us from ever getting better. I'm not saying you are in denial, I'm just saying it's so common that about everyone has been in or is in some state of denial over themselves and/or their past. This is why I'm concerned that your pdoc may not be doing a thorough job as a therapist. Maybe she just fears that if she goes to certain places with you, you may not be able to handle it, further destabilizing you. Or, maybe you don't remember anything obvious-most of us do not, which is why we go to therapy-and your therapist can only suspect that you may not have gotten what you needed from your parents. Look, it's almost part of the human condition, or at least it has been for a long time now, that parents often fall far short of giving their child almost everything they need-proper amount of unconditional love, proper amount of nurture, proper amount of structure, care without criticism, etc. As far as neglect goes, it could be as simple as a mother not being as loving as a child typically needs her to be, parents letting their children get away with too much and not setting the right boundaries, or not teaching a child how to protect and take care of themselves through properly protecting a child from things like the sun or bad food. All of these things can also instill anger in a child, especially a mother not being able to love through physical touch or parents not giving a child the right amount of attention and care that they need.
I understand your point of view and frustration. Just try to be open minded to exploring the possibility that you may be carrying some anger left over from something, maybe related to your childhood and your parents maybe not. If you figured out there was something going on or missing in your childhood that you needed, this would empower you to start to let yourself off the hook and stop blaming yourself for your struggles. This process can be difficult, but if you take it on courageously, it really can help you in the long run.
poster:morgan miller
thread:967714
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101030/msgs/968030.html