Posted by morgan miller on November 1, 2010, at 20:09:05
In reply to Re: Deneb, how is today going?, posted by Deneb on November 1, 2010, at 17:26:01
> Thanks Dinah, Thanks floatingbridge
>
> I went out and walked around a bit at the mall. I seem to be better in the mornings and then get progressively worse as the day goes on, getting the worse at night before I take my meds. I'm wondering if it is the Risperdal wearing off. Anyways, I took 0.25 mg Risperdal 30 mins ago as a sort of prophylaxis as I could tell my thinking was starting to get messed up again.
>
> Anyways, I still feel depressed. I started thinking about how I ruined my life. Not only did I not become a doctor or scientist to make my family proud, I can't even support myself and don't have a family or anything. I can't even look for a job without relapsing. I just wish I could handle normal amounts of stress like normal people. It's not fair. Why do I have so many mental problems?
>
> I'm just so disappointed in myself. I really thought I was over the borderline personality. I was doing so well! I don't think my latest relapse is a result of me skipping meds because borderline personality is not helped by meds. I'm really not supposed to rely on meds. They probably help me because they just calm me down. They would probably calm anyone down. It's just so disappointing. I was using my new coping skills and everything, I don't understand why I relapsed. I just hate myself. I'm so weak.Your not weak, you've just had it rough in life, like many of us have. Try to take it easy on yourself. That's why I emphasize a good therapist so they can hopefully help us realize that our struggles are not our fault and we can let ourselves off the hook for not matching up to what we think we should be or should have been.
You are just hitting a rough patch, a really bad one. This often happens on the path to healing and getting better. I understand you just want to be better, believe me I do. One of the only ways to begin to move forward from this and get back on the path to being better is to take it easy on yourself.
I understand not having a job and having to look for one is making are complicating things at the moment. Hopefully you get a job soon and the structure and stability it gives you will help you to start feeling a little better.
I didn't know that BPD was not really able to be treated with medication. So are you not really supposed to be on medication long term?
Hang in there Deneb, things will get better.
Morgan
poster:morgan miller
thread:967714
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101030/msgs/967979.html