Posted by europerep on October 24, 2010, at 15:15:35
In reply to Re: I am sad and appalled » europerep, posted by gardenergirl on October 23, 2010, at 21:01:10
> I'm not sure I see exactly what's so "typically American" about my post, nor why that matters, but no worries. I chose not to identify specifically posts that led me to say what I did, because I did not want to accuse anyone of bullying or being unkind or otherwise uncivil by the site's standards. But to be as concrete as I can without doing so, when I put myself in Lou's shoes and read recent posts about him, I felt sad and appalled. If I were Lou, I'd certainly feel put down when reading some of these posts.
>don't worry, I get that you were talking to me ;).. what I meant was that, what you wrote, sounded good and all, and it could have been part of a speech pronounced by someone on MLK remembrance day or something - but it didn't do anything to further the debate, unless furthering the debate would be ending the debate.
> I struggle with chronic depression, social anxiety, and ADHD. There are many times when my behavior has been labelled by others as "lazy", "flaky", "self-centered", "moody", and so on. While I can certainly understand how my behaviors might appear this way to others, what bothers me is that there seems to be an assumption that I am *willfully* behaving that way, when in reality, I'm struggling just to function at all. Or it's assumed that I can simply choose to act another, more acceptable way upon command. While I do not claim that I am a slave to my disorders' effects, I also do not *willfully* suffer from them.
>And this is maybe where I see a difference. Every participation on these boards here is voluntary, and noone would call anyone lazy for not posting during some time, etc. Many times I have been on this board, and I disagreed with a post made by someone, but I felt so bad that I just wasn't able to write a constructive post - and so I didn't post. I think we are all adults here, and we can expect each other to have a least amount of self-awareness as for how we come across.
> My point is this: without being inside Lou or anyone else's head, we can't know why they do the things they do, think the things they think, feel the things they feel. And since this is a mental health site, it's not at all a stretch to infer that folks posting here are more likely to be facing some sort of mental disorder than the general population.
>But that is not the point. Recently I have several times disagreed with bleauberry, and sometimes it even frustrated me a little that he is so convinced that as soon as regular ADs don't work, it's lyme/fungi/etc.. Does that mean that I have a problem with him? of course not. I appreciate his posts, and when there is his name behind a post, I can be quite sure to have an interesting post with interesting arguments behind it, that I care to read even if I disagree. The question is the way it is presented. I imagine the board kind of like a room where people are in, sitting on chairs, and talking about all kinds of things. Regularly people leave for a moment, while others come in sharing their point of view. Lou comes in, issues a "request" for anyone "considering being a participant" in the discussion, then leaves. Then he comes in again, either doesn't even listen to what others have said, or replies to that by issuing the next request, and the next and the next and the next.. That kind of behavior, for me, ruins the whole atmosphere of this room, and if it is an accepted behavior in this room, then I am more or less likely to permanently leave, or drop by only rarely. I do not *want* to have to ignore certain people in a discussion round because their arrogant and condescending behavior just totally goes on my nerves. His contributions are not a proper way of discussing, and *any* other forum on this internet would agree with that.
> That not at all the prevailing wisdom. We all are welcome to disagree and to express disagreement as long as we do so without making statements that could lead others to feel accused or put down. The world may not "work that way", but Dr. Bob states that he expects this site to work that way. We are given the choice to abide or not, and we are made aware of the potential consequences of our choices.
>Yes, it's just that I find it sad that the site works that way, because, even if I have not been here for long, to me, it appears to be disintegrating.
> I think that's what makes these forums so valuable--the diversity of experiences, personalities, issues, etc. Take what works for you that you need and leave the rest.
>Yes, that would probably be an effective strategy, but when I registered for this forum, I thought there would maybe be some sort of community feeling possible, the way I experience it on other forums, but this seems very difficult to me here. I think that there are minimal standards for human conversation, and if Lou doesn't even consider it necessary to indicate a reason for why he ignores *everything* that others ask of him, such as explaining why he posts in his particular way, then I find that disrespectful, and I have not come here to be treated in this fashion.
poster:europerep
thread:966608
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101020/msgs/966827.html