Posted by Enigma on August 29, 2010, at 12:02:26
In reply to Re: 'Best Psychiatrist' list - I'm Off Nardil now! » Enigma, posted by violette on August 28, 2010, at 21:04:56
> Enigma,
>
> Didn't you say you are married? Maybe I am mistaken and i don't feel like reading the previous threads...just lazy now.
>
> I'm not asking this to be judgmental, but am wondering if you are married as i thought you said you were in another post.Yes, married, but separated. I'd get a full divorce, but I can't afford it, and there are 10 reasons I could list in 2 seconds (if I could write that fast) why I don't want to (get a divorce right now).
Well, I've been pretty quiet about the Selegeline because I'm not on it anymore, for now.
I should have waited 2 weeks between Nardil tapering and starting Selly, but It's not a perfect world, and I might have hit suicide-ville and had those vicious suicidal crying attacks - not sure what the medical term for them is. It's nothing like simply crying. It's brutal beyond imagination. I've had about 4 of them now. When they occur, I pretty much lose all control of myself and all I experience is the worst pain, grief, sadness, loneliness, and every other sad emotion, 100x the intensity of someone you know dying, and I cry and yell out like I'm dying. I hyperventilation, I'm unable to talk, and no one can help me through it. I'm sure these have ended many peoples lives, and no one ever was the wiser. Someone called me a coward today for even thinking about suicide, like I actually have a choice in the matter. Unreal. Well, another ignorant "so called friend", in the bucket. I wish I could weed out these people who don't believe that depression is a real disorder and never have to deal with them to begin with. Sitting there telling her how I feel for a couple years now, and she still doesn't get it. Whatever, makes me too angry to talk about.
So, back to Selly. So, when I quit Nardil, I tapered off. Probably tampered off too quickly.. when I was done, I was having withdrawals.. these headaches with this lightheartedness associated with it. I started Selly on 1 pill day, and also went up too fast. I got this headache that has now lasted around 3-4 days. Went to the ER and everything. So, I immediately quit Selly. It's about the 4th day and the meds they gave me, hydrocodone? I take about twice a day now for the headaches. They don't hurt nearly as bad as when they started.
I'm still miserable of course, and try to stay in bed all day.I get up once a day maybe to log on here or something, mainly because I'm not tired and can't sleep all day, but I have no interest in doing anything else.
Sure, I'm not ready for a relationship, but spending time with a pretty women would do me wonders, that's why I've pursued it so much. I pretty much done with that too as I'm just too old now to get the look and age I'm attracted to.
I can no more change that interest, than my eye color. Trust me, I've tried.It's the same thing on different dating sites. I get some hits from people I wouldn't look twice at, in amazement that they would even email me in the first place, and maybe the women I email think the same thing, who knows. I'm mostly mad that NO ONE, it's been a year now, will even give you a chance.
And yes, the rejection (well, they are too "whatever" to even reply, as I reply and thank everyone for their interest), it's the complete blow off that really bothers me. Like you don't even exist. I know I lost my soul-mate already, and I know I'll never find her ever again. All I was hoping for was a date or two. That's it. Many of these women were near my age as well, but like the stereotype I've created and live by for attractive women, they think they deserve SO much more than their equal, and there's nothing I can do to change that. They actually don't even deserve me. I have so many good qualities, I get mad at myself for even giving them a chance, when I KNOW, they are just going to blow me off. These aren't super-models either.. not even close.
I've been complemented by so many other, less attractive women, and so well, that I'm so amazed that just being prettier makes them look at me in a completely different way than the other women do. Guys don't do that. No guy I've ever known does.
poster:Enigma
thread:955737
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100829/msgs/960425.html