Posted by zonked on May 31, 2010, at 22:02:04
In reply to Re: On partial-response, treatment-resistance, and having to wait.. (rant), posted by Leo33 on May 31, 2010, at 21:38:30
Thanks :-)
You have a great point. It's so bleepin hard for me to be patient and thankful for what I *do* have... I am not an ungrateful person...
There have been times in my life where I was so depressed It took tremendous effort for me to even get out of bed to take a piss...and waited until I was sure my bladder really was about to explode. Plus all the times I just couldn't take it anymore and ended up in psych wards to protect myself from myself...
This place I live in now is contracted with the county and MUST follow doctor's orders and have no say in *what* meds I take, but they do dispense them.
Let's go simple and two-dimensional: if zero is "I really do want to kill myself" and 8-10 is the "normal" range in remission, I have been hovering between a 2 and a 6 since starting Marplan. I want to get up to that range...I just hope this isn't rapid cycling but an inadequate AD response!That'd be JUST what I need, sigh, another return to bipolar/mood stabilizer land...Lamictal stopped working for me and was the only one I could tolerate (although I haven't tried Tegretrol or Trileptal)...
See why I want to see a doc sooner? I am scared, man.
I refuse to consider antipsychotics, (I have been infrequently offered them either for sleep or mood stabilization, no history of psychosis--screwing with dopamine like that is NOT something I wanna do.)
Gonna use every last energy molecule in me to keep the depression from putting me in the hospital *again*...
-z
> Zonked, you seem pretty good to me, you are able to put together long posts and able to stick up for yourself as well as wanting to get better. Yes, I can relate to you and empathize, most residential places won't even give people coffee or klonopin. Thank god your not being put on anti psychotics. I must be worse off than most people here as I don't even have the energy to do a bunch of posts.
>
> I guess what I'm trying to say is too have some patience, at least your getting some response and on a treatment you want.
>
> My medicaid / welfare has hit my lifetime limit of 5 years and four turn downs by Social security leaves me completely #$*)@@!!
>
> I also suffer from treatment resistant depression and fight for a reason to continue living everyday although not completely suicidal on pristiq.
>
> So hang in there it will get better for you, I have that feeling, take care.
>
> Leo33
poster:zonked
thread:949457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100524/msgs/949677.html