Posted by hrguru on May 4, 2010, at 23:51:33
In reply to Re: balancing creativity and medication., posted by Techno'n'PillBottles on May 2, 2010, at 3:52:25
Hey y'all, thank you for all the responses, you guys are awesome. The bit about lamictal backs up the reasons I quit in the first place (the deadness). I was on 150mg. this time maybe i'll try a lower dose like 50mg. I do OK without it, but the mania has been coming around, and without the fun crazy creative times, just anxiety that's hard to cope with and insomnia. I've never tried anything like lithium or zyprexa, just lamactil, SSRIs and what I'm currently taking. I want to take lamactil and trazodone INSTEAD of welbutrin and seroquel because both make me feel like crap physically and I suspect they are having some bad mental side effects but for the moment my doc thought it best to make gradual switches. By the way, does anyone have their doctor looking at you like they're mad or think you're stupid when you suggest treatment options to them instead of just mindlessly following their every recomendation?
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--Hi Techno! I have to say, I feel like I can really identify with you! When I started taking mood stabilizers, I felt that the creative spark in me was beginning to fade- and I couldn't stand it! It's the thing I loved most about hypomania. That being said, I have never taken the meds you've mentioned (except Wellbutrin), but I have taken just about every SSRI on the market, and most Pdocs will tell you they are bad news for those of us in the bipolar category. SSRIs are notorious for causing dysphoric mania in bipolar people. The kind of mania we can't stand! (i.e. irritability, anxiety, insomnia, and sometimes mixed w/depression). I've never tried lithium, but it's *supposed* to be the most effective for regulating both mania and depression, whereas other mood stabilizers will regulate mania better than depression or vice versa (and that's why you have to supplement it with an anti-psychotic or anti-depressant). It is really important to try to control the mania and depression though- with (at least) a mood stabilizer. Otherwise, the illness can get much, much worse. But I know that controlling bipolar is easier said than done. The thing I don't like about mood stabilizers, at least the one I'm taking (Topamax), is that for the times I've had to increase dosage, it causes cognitive impairment (a.k.a. dumb as a box of rocks syndrome). However, it has made my life FAR less chaotic! And, it took trial and error of a few meds to find a successful one that worked for me. Oh- and here's something interesting, since you mentioned anxiety. Topamax totally took away my anxiety- and I'm an anxious person. I'm dxd OCD, but I haven't had any symptoms of it at all since I started the Topamax (because it works on the Temporal Lobe of the brain). Perhaps the right mood stabilizer would also help your anxiety? It's definitely something to ask your doctor about. As far as how you are feeling on your meds, its always annoying when you realize somethings off, because this means that its due to one of the following problems: the wrong dosage, wrong med, or possibly you need to add an additional med to the mix. On top of this, you get to guess which one is the problem. I feel your frustration, because Ive been through it over and over again! Others have as well- so know that you arent alone :) This has been my personal experience, from years of trying to perfect my personal "drug cocktail" as it were...lol. It takes some work to get the pieces of the medication puzzle to fit together to the point that you don't actually feel "medicated." One day the pieces will start to fit, and you will think, "hey, I feel okay today" :) Dont give up!--I know that "look" you described from doctors all too well, when you suggest treatment options to them. Man, do they ever HATE that! :) I've gotten that look from mine before. There's no reason we should have to mindlessly be medical guinea pigs. If we don't feel comfortable taking a certain med, we shouldn't have to. Especially when these are drugs with potentially dangerous side effects. I'm totally with you on this one!
> some thoughts on things being discussed:
> I have done some (actually A LOT of) "expirimenting" with many different illicit drugs and the conclusion that i have come to is this: the beginning of any love affair with a bad drug starts with creativity, fun, happiness etc. and spirals downward into worse deadness than most prescriptions will likely cause, and with all the imbalances of a quality bipolar, depression, psychosis whatever(except for maybe LSD and such hahaha). I quit doing any drugs because of that and I will promptly hit myself in the face with a brick if I go back to it.--Wow. I have been there too, my friend. I can completely identify with everything you just said. I am actually a recovering drug (opiate) addict. I've been totally sober for more than a year, and I would probably hit myself in the face with a brick as well if I ever went back to it!
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> When I first started seroquel and enjoyed the "high" (or low) from it I would force myself to stay awake and make music and I came up with some pretty good stuff, but after so long I just hate that feeling and have no desire to do that anymore. I'm trying to switch to trazodone for sleep.
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--Please let us know if trazodone is effective for sleep. I have a hard time sleeping (especially when manic). I have tried several meds that don't seem to work, so please tell us the good word if it does work! :)>
> If anyone wants to hear a bit of my music go to www.soundcloud.com/algae. it's weird and different but its got some good beats. and as far as anyone knowing who I am from that, I don't care. anyone who talks to me for ten minutes knows I'm a crazy bastard anyway.
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> THANK YOU ALL for such quick and helpful responses. I'm so so so glad to find people I can relate to.--I went to your website, and I listened to your songs and they're awesome!! My top 3 fav's are: the Little Wayne "don't trip" remix, Technically Mexican, and Piano Blister. But I loved them all! You definitely have a gift. I'm a big fan of electronic/dance music, but your music is so much better- and probably in a genre all its own. Thanks for sharing it with us! :)
poster:hrguru
thread:945838
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100504/msgs/946372.html