Posted by Nardilcopter on December 14, 2009, at 14:48:27
Hi yall. This post is about my experiences with pretty excessive abuse of minor psychoactives on Nardil. Specifically, I want to talk about my loss of self control and subsequent overindulgence of marijuana, nicotine, and caffene while on the drug. I've been taking Nardil for 5 months now, and because my experience has been, well, "contaminated" I suppose is the word, I thought I'd share my observations.
When I began taking Nardil for depression, I had previously been on SSRI's for 14 years (beginning at age 8 for severe OCD, which has largely been treated.) Beginning the year before I was prescribed Nardil, I had smoked marijuana daily, smoked ~1/2 a pack of cigarettes a day, and had a developed a slight caffeine dependence.
When the Nardil began to take effect after a month or so, it had 2 major effects on me: First, it made me really happy- euphoric, really, as if I was on a permanent low dose of ecstasy. I became more talkative and outgoing, but this felt like the result of the constant mood-boost more than any reduction in anxiety.
The second effect was my downfall: I lost self control and the ability to resist indulgence. Everything I had previously abused now seemed to deliver a 10-fold increase in pleasure and they all began to potentate each other. My uncontrollable indulgence led to some interesting changes.
In most cases, all of these were actually used simultaneously, so I've tried to describe both the combined and differentiated effects of each. I'm going to describe my initial my 2 month experience with each of these substances after Nardil kicked in, followed by the long term effects of each.
60mg/day Nardil, months 2 and 3...
Cannabis: There's surprisingly little information on this combination. This isn't too surprising- I'd imagine prospective Nardil users would avoid it, because weed typically makes SA worse. This was the case for me, before Nardil, however for various reasons I enjoyed the drug enough to put up with the discomfort. After the Nardil began working, I felt less inhibited by anxiety while high - I was able to actually participate in group conversations and smoked more with others. The big change, however, was that many times, especially if smoking at night, I would never really come down. The high would diminish leaving me with a sense of unstoppable power and energy, similar to mania but more like meth (no exaggeration here). I'd power on, long into the night, without the slightest desire for sleep, working on various projects. At first, the morning sun would signal my body to sleep, but before long, I powered right through that as well. It wasn't long before I was staying up for days on end, fueled by copious amounts of marijuana, never feeling the slightest bit frazzled, fatigued, or non-alert until the final moment, when I'd crash and sleep for upwards of 24 hours. To summarize my experience, smoking marijuana on Nardil can be an extremely powerful, somewhat irreversible energy booster, and can lead to intense, prolonged feelings of mental energy and physical endurance.
Nicotine: My loss of self-control on Nardil quickly led to more smoking. I went from 1/2 a pack a day to what I can only guess amounts to 1-2 packs/day. It's a bit of a blur- during my marijuana power-trips, I'd light up a cigarette whenever I remembered I had the option to. The nicotine rush was weakly-euphoric and energizing, a perfect supplement to many an all-nighter. Use of cannabis always led to an increased urge to smoke, and allowed me to smoke rather absurd amounts without feeling any nicotine-sickness.
Caffeine: Once under the influence of Nardil, my use of caffeine progressed quickly from a slight dependence to a full-out addiction. Though not as strong of an energy booster as weed, it pleasantly increased my focus and ability to converse. It was especially useful for mitigating the initial clouded mindset of a nicotine or cannabis high. My caffeine came exclusively from coffee, which was almost always accompanied with cigarettes. The direct combination of the two (take a drag, take a sip, exhale) would yield an intense, euphoric rush, probably due to a spike in blood pressure.
OK, so I think you get the picture - during this time I was living just about the most unhealthy lifestyle imaginable, making endless use of mood and energy enhancers, and slowing my circadian rhythms dramatically. Looking back, I can't say I regret it, it was a hell of a ride and I got some truly impressive work done. However, it was obviously not to last. Something changed over the last month. Perhaps it has something to do with the end of summer, the diminished social activity around home, or the fact that it's been freezing rain for 3 weeks and my music studio, binge central, has dropped to miserable, unbearable temperatures. Whatever the reason, each of these substances has become not only lost its effect, but they've all become downright unbearable.
60mg/day Nardil, month 5...
Cannabis: I can't smoke anymore. Doing so leads to what I can only describe as an "anxiety headache." It's a feeling of intangible mental unrest and agitation, accompanied by a hollow, burned out kind of feeling in my head. It's an annoyance more than anything, and doesn't seem to impair my ability to think, but it no longer energizes me. Instead, it leaves me feeling slow and frazzled for hours afterword.
Nicotine: Smoking cigarettes makes me feel instantly sick. It's almost a feeling reminiscent of what you'd get after downing a bucket of double-deep-fried chicken to your face. My head feels hot with a spotty, dull pain. The smell and taste are repulsive. The rush is uncomfortable and anxiety-ridden, and destroys my focus. Recovering from all of this takes about an hour.
Caffeine: Caffeine, while not downright intolerable, increases anxiety levels slightly and otherwise doesn't do much at all. The all-day energy boost from drinking cup after cup has been replaced by a brief lift, followed by a mild jittery feeling which lasts for hours. Obviously I no longer combine this with nicotine, as the cumulative effect amounts to disgust.
To conclude this report, it appears that after roughly 2 months of indulgent lifestyle, the effects of each drug rapidly dwindled or became just plain unbearable for physical or psychological reasons. It's almost unreal how quickly my entire spirit and ability to thrive on this lifestyle was crushed. It leaves me wondering how much of it is purely psychological and related to this depressing change of the season.
And what of the Nardil? Well, sadly, it's become virtually unnoticeable. Perhaps its still doing its job, yet my mood baseline has dropped so dramatically that I perceive it to be barely keeping me afloat. If that's the case, then it's quite scary to think where I'd be right now without it. Though I would not currently consider myself depressed, I feel depression tugging at me, and it is a heavy, depleting feeling.
That's about it. If anyone has comments or similar experiences please share. Please refrain from insulting my irresponsibility, I regret what I did and I just wanted others to learn from it.
I'm a little concerned though.. I've corrected my sleep schedule, quit smoking weed, and have cut way down on cigarettes and caffeine, and I don't feel much better. I've even begun to eat better and get daily exercise, but the old Nardil charm won't come back. If anyone could help me answer the following I'd really appreciate it..
Do you think this could be related to Seasonal Affective Disorder?
Have I somehow permanently halted the Nardil from doing its job? Should I stop taking it?
Does anyone know where I can read more about Nardil's interaction with cannabis?Thanks a bunch.
poster:Nardilcopter
thread:929210
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091206/msgs/929210.html