Posted by uncouth on November 30, 2009, at 16:10:12
In reply to Re: ECT or wait in hell? PLEASE HELP ME » inanimate peanut, posted by bulldog2 on November 30, 2009, at 13:31:57
inanimate,
I was exactly where you were just a few months ago (check my old posts if you don't believe me). In a horrible state of depression, deepest suicidal thoughts, feeling subhuman and braindead and alone.
With my doctor's suggestion, and due to the fact that I too was searching for ways to killmyself online, I went the ECT route and had 22 (or 23? can't remember...) bilateral treatments. That's a lot.
ECT was only of moderate benefit. The main thing it does is sorta zonk you out during the period your having it. However, it caused me some pretty serious cognitive problems, mostly in the memory realm. I lost about a year of memories, and it took about 6 months for some stuff to slowly come back. Other things are gone for good. The one thing it will feel like is post-ECT, you will feel some "distance" to your pre-ECT life, like it was a different lifetime.
I am not anti-ECT, but personally I don't think I would get it again due to the memory effects. In other cognitive realms, I saw improvement.
In terms of your treatment. I've been on Emsam and Parnate in the past (and may try them again in the future, but now im relatively stable) and with the MAOIs you can't be shy with the dose. There can be big differences once you push the dose higher. I would go to 12mg patch immediately.
Are you Bipolar2 at all? I am, and will say that the 12mg patch did give me lots of energy and improve my depression, but it ended in a horrible mixed-hypomanic depressive state, so I had to go off of it. But I do think it's a good medication nonetheless.
But the biggest advice I have here is: DO NOT undergo ECT before giving zyprexa a good try, at a reasonable dose. I don't care if you've been on other antipsychotics before, zyprexa is a completely different beast. Don't worry about the weight gain or other side effects -- if the decision is between zyprexa and ECT, a few pounds are worth your memory, trust me.
Zyprexa has brought me back from the dead. I wish I had tried it before ECT. You can eventually go off of it, or decrease the dose, or switch to another antipsychotic which might work, but right now, you sound like you're in a agitated, depressive pit with thoughts swirling all around...i've been there...i know, as many people on this board know, what it's like.
Please, ask your doctor to prescribe you 5mg of zyprexa and increase your Emsam to 12mg. Zyprexa can work within DAYS. If 5mg doesn't do it, try 10mg. As another poster mentioned, it may give you enough time ot let the Emsam work or go to Parnate (I personally prefer parnate to Emsam...but again...you can't be shy with the dose).
You may also want to consider lithium, as it has a strong anti-suicide effect. Though in my opinion lithium isn't as fast acting as zyprexa. However, I see no reason why any doctor wouldn't prescribe lithium as an adjunct to ANYONE expressing suicidal thoughts....Best to you. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you CAN and WILL get through this. All I can say is that I was there, exactly where you are, and if I can make it out, then so you can you.
Please keep us updated.
-uncouth
poster:uncouth
thread:927524
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091127/msgs/927571.html