Posted by Zillhouse on May 9, 2009, at 17:00:54
So here's my deal.
At the age of 17 I had a horrific experience after ingesting copious amounts of marijuana. I had a complete meltdown, I depersonalized, I derealized, I hallucinated, I had major panic, I thought I was going insane, etc. etc. Since that time I have smoked marijuana about 3 times, each time reactivating the exact same response. What worried me most was I started having related short panic attack experiences during sober states, specifically when put in pressure social situations.
The main issue is I am an actor, and my livelihood depends on my ability to perform in front of others. In college during one of my shows I had a panic attack in the middle of one of my lines. I managed to pull it together just long enough to get through the scene, but the experience freaked me out so much that the rest of the run all I could think about was just making it though to the end of the show. I was no longer acting I was just trying to make it through the show without running off the stage in complete terror. The next show I was cast in, I quit because the anticipation was just too scary.
I was sent to a pdoc and I was dx'ed with anxiety disorder. At 22 years old I started paxil which seemed to help with the problem, but I went on an off for years due to extreme fatigue and terrible sexual side effects. I am 31 now and have gone through a whole host of med regiments every one having it's own host of problems.
I really hate AD's they just make me feel weird. I just want something that will take away my social phobias and allow me to feel comfortable speaking and being with people. I'm afraid to meet new people and I hate going out. I don't audition anymore because of the fear, and when asked to do productions all I can think of are excuses to get out of it. I'm even too afraid to take on regular work due to social interaction. I'm living in a horrible nightmare.
Currently I'm on 5mg paxil, 10mg buspar 2x daily, and as needed 0.5mg ativan.
Ativan is the only thing that seems to do anything.
My questing is, could just being on a healthy dose of benzos help? Specifically a daily regiment, not just as needed.
Is there anyone here who has successfully used benzos on a daily basis over a prolonged period of time?
Am I setting myself up for future problems if I get on the benzo train?
All responses will help, thanks.
Zill
poster:Zillhouse
thread:894909
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090505/msgs/894909.html