Posted by HyperFocus on February 23, 2009, at 22:04:03
In reply to Re: Hurting real bad - suicidal, long » HyperFocus, posted by seldomseen on February 21, 2009, at 11:35:34
Thanks man. I'm trying to start back moving. But every time I have a setback, like missing my thesis meeting, I do a death spiral into the black water. Many, many times I panic that I'm going to fail again and my mind goes into lockdown mode - I can't do a thing. Maybe I should cut back on what I want to accomplish this semester. I 'm slowly starting to realize just how much subconscious stuff is going that is holding me back. I was doing pretty well for a while first time at uni - A's and faculty prize and all that. Then I had these two disastrous encounters with people and I have never recovered. The really ironic think is that when I work I feel better - but the illness doesn't listen to reason. But thanks for your words, I'll let you know how it goes.
> Okay, I don't mean to sound glib, or trivialize the pain you feel. I know what I'm talking about because I have been there.
>
> Oh boy, the looming thesis. The "constructive" criticism of the thesis.
>
> The "I'm ready to end my life" train of thought. The burnout, the fatigue, the hopelessness.
>
> Science is a very very exacting mistress, it literally can suck the life out of you. When you reach this stage, you are ready to graduate. It is almost a right of passage but you must fight the urge to give up with every single fiber of your being. Now is the time, when you are at your lowest, to rise to meet what faces you.
>
> Do we have it harder than most because of mental health issues? Absolutely. Our work is doubled because not only to we have to wrangle the science, we have to wrangle ourselves.
>
> BUT You must complete your work. You must find the courage to finish this degree and move forward. This is a huge hurdle, but one that can free you.
>
> Remind yourself again and again that if this were easy, everyone would do it. It's not easy, but you are a smart, creative person or you wouldn't have gotten this far.
>
> Get help, start therapy, start meds. Take steps to start moving again.
>
> But start moving again. I'll be here to help. Because, man, like I said, I have been there.
>
> I know you have a little life in you yet.
>
> Seldom.
>
poster:HyperFocus
thread:881471
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090223/msgs/882062.html