Posted by yxibow on September 22, 2008, at 22:38:31
In reply to Re: Trileptal - how long do initial side effects last? » yxibow, posted by Phillipa on September 22, 2008, at 20:30:16
> Jay having a hard time? I sense this from your posts. Love Phillipa and I'm sorry write
Either you have extra sensory perception or you are very resonant and lovingly perceptive, either way I appreciate the observation -- yes, I have slipped a bit down into a dysthymia, I feel like everyone who is helping me has a different take on everything including myself, and the number of constellations and range of psychosis is just... well.. I haven't really "accepted" where I am, because I never believed all this, symptoms, medication, could happen in my life.
I thought, well I conquered my major OCD in my life and yeah, I would get depressed or have some OCD from time to time but not something where there are just baffling visual and auditory experiences that wax and wane, except the latest one about seeing cars (probably has to do with my visual field experience) go too fast. I know they aren't. I'm grounded, I have reality -- but its my own reality -- I feel disconnected from everyone else.
Mainly though its everything at once, movement disorders, psychosis experiences, gaining weight that I can't fight off very well and worried about diabetes II, though my cholesterol is still fine, and really the big one, what is the final outcome of all of the care I'm receiving, I haven't excepted that it may not be the golden rainbow and everything but something has to happen more and it requires myself to do things and I don't have a "spark" at the moment in life, I tend to want to sleep away life more than experience it because I hate experiencing all these things.I haven't accepted where I am and my limitations at this time and also not seeing what I really can do and am capable of, daily, weekly, etc.
Well that was a run-on paragraph, but yes, that's where I am, in general.
-- tidings
Jay
poster:yxibow
thread:853152
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080915/msgs/853546.html