Posted by streetsk8er794 on September 15, 2008, at 22:43:56
I'm having a ROUGH time with life. Just got out of jail, drug abuse, rehab, law problems. I've been sober 1 1/2 years now, and I feel like sh*t and want to die. My meds are so f*ed up, and I need help. Please read the post and try to help.
I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety first and foremost (which is the worst of all my disorders/symptoms by FAR), OCD (I obsess about how I will fix my disorders at least 5 hours a day, and also have repeated phrases to perfect how I am performing socially), severe Perfectionism, and lastly ADHD.
I was an akward kid, and showed signs of ocd. I washed my hands till they bled, wore 2 pairs of underwear in case i cr*pp*d in one, had to touch the left side of something if I touched the right, etc, etc.
Somewhere down the line, the outward symptoms (compulsions) of my OCD vanished, but still have the Severe perfectionism, and the "phrases" that repeat in my mind. Even when not in social situations, they still repeat; like my mind is always trying to fine tune my performance in everything I do.
Anyways, all through school, I would stare into space, doodle, yell things out during class, get up and stand on my desk, start things and not finish them, and constantly got into trouble. I would get a detention almost everyday. Yet, when it came time to take a test, my teachers were amazed that I aced almost every one of them.
Because of my inattention and ADHD, I always found it hard to make friends. So.... I started doing drugs to "fit in" with a click of friends. The drugs alleviated my symptoms while I was on them, but the addiction made things worse. This is where my severe social anxiety started. It was a tremendous chore just walking through the hallways at school, talking to girls, etc, etc.
Fast forward to today. I got out of jail for a DUI w/ serious bodily injury 6 months ago. I've been on Klonopin 2mg /day, and trialed a bunch of different stims (now on 10 mg dex T.I.D). I hate the klon because it numbs me so much, and makes me want to do nothing (not to mention extremely depressed). I have been weaning off the klon, and am now on 1.5mg/day, and I feel a little less depressed. However, the stims are causing a great deal more anxiety and OCD. I've tried lowering the stims, but they just do not work when i try that. My social anxiety is very severe. I CANNOT function at work without something to treat it. However, I HATE klonopin and how unmotivating it is.
I used to be on Nardil, and it was pretty good for my social anxiety and perfectionism (best AD I've tried), but it definitely didnt cure my SP, and it was neutral on my ADHD. I did have a hypertensive crisis ONCE while on it when I took a friend's Adderall XR 20 mg. I have heard good things about MAOI's (Nardil specifically) when taken carefully with stims. But my dose of dex (10 mg 3 */day) might be too high with Nardil.
I've been obsessing over this situation on what med to add, reduce, take away, etc, etc, and need to know what to tell my doc so I can get going in the right direction.
My goal is to get off benzos completely, but I cannot do that without the help of another med to compensate for it (for its social phobia reducing properties). I work in sales based solely on commission, so if I am anxious, I will forget what to say, I will not get sales, get fired, and have no insurance to help with the meds.
I was thinking about adding Lexapro to compensate for the Klon, but personally I dont think it will be strong enough. Or instead, adding Nardil would help, but I would have less flexibility with my stims due to a potential hypertensive crisis (not fun).
I would like to get as much info, input, similar experiences, or ANYTHING that might help me make my decision. For me, I dont have the luxury of trial and error. If one thing doesnt work, I will not sell and get fired. Period. But, regardless, ALL input is appreciated. Thank you.
poster:streetsk8er794
thread:852205
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080915/msgs/852205.html