Posted by yxibow on August 29, 2008, at 2:43:49
In reply to When do you disclose?, posted by mandra on August 28, 2008, at 18:48:31
> I was speaking with my doctor the other day and the topic of "When to disclose" came up.
> I work at a job where we do shift work. One of the shifts is a night shift working 6pm-6am. I am Bipolar II with ADD/ADHD. I am very sensitive to sunlight, time changes, etc. I did a six months stint of nights last year and fell into a major depression. I wanted to find out a way to get out of doing another night shift because I didn't want to have a relapse again. However, I have not told anyone I work with (bosses or coworkers) that I am Bipolar. There is still that stigma out there with regards to mental health, and I have noticed its prevalence in my industry. I am Bipolar, Bipolar is not me. I was wondering what anyone thought about when a good time would be, if ever, to disclose to someone in a company that you have an emotional disorder?
> Similarly, the same question of disclosure occurs in relationships. I am a firm believer that whomever I am with needs to know that I am Bipolar as it will eventually affect them in the relationship. But when do you tell your significant other this information? The first date, the fifth, after you've been together a year or two? I didn't have an answer, and I don't believe there is only one answer either. It's a hard question and I wanted to put it out there and get some feed back.
It is a hard question, being mentally ill, or I prefer biochemically imbalanced/challenged, whatever. But, and I have trouble with all that too, it can't be something that identifies you. In other words, you are someone who likes, within the limitations of your condition, to do (whatever, skiing), etc, is a person of (x ethnicity), prefers or has no religion, etc. These things all define someone far better than an illness.
I think yes, no, the first date, unless one is severely compromised or finds classifieds with people who also have mental illness problems (which would be curious to see), there's no reason to -- if something odd comes up there are coy ways of making a neutral comment.
Eventually, as someone grows to like you and they seem compassionate you might start to edge into it -- ultimately they will have to know and I know its something I fear (I also have to get by the smaller percentage by being gay and overweight, of suitors) -- I need someone who will understand. But then I need an adult (never mind if I question my own status that way -- that's another story about being an adult child, unrelated), not someone who runs from "issues".
As for work -- its a tricky area, some states and cities offer more protection, but it depends on the size of the business. Ultimately you have to size out your boss and human resources and see how hostile the company really is -- have you asked any of your coworkers, how they have had trouble with HR by the by?You're right, your health ultimately comes first -- I'm not trying to get you layed off, but if sleep issues affect your disorder, which by the way affect a lot of mental illness, and an episode feels strong, I would try to put in honestly that, yes, I have a sleep condition, you can qualify it more if you feel more comfortable, you can say it causes depression or whatever, if that is appropriate, and see if you can get to where you want to.
I'm not sure that they do liason work but you might also want to attend meetings or talk to your local NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) chapter to see if they have workplace information.
-- best wishes
Jay
poster:yxibow
thread:848842
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080822/msgs/848913.html